Wow, such a long and rambling post...I read most of it honestly...

You seem pretty frustrated by her actions (well, lack of 'action' at some points hehe). If you are a "nice, smart guy" then why are you so frustrated about not getting regular sex from her?

Perhaps you need to consider the pros and cons of this girl. She obviously has some very redeeming features about her (otherwise you wouldn't want to pursue her) but equally she's got baggage (her ex and maybe problems with intimacy). Do you think that it's possible you might be turning into a 'clone' of her ex...? The guy that tries too hard... Basically, what I’m trying to say is step back and go easy on her (plus yourself with all of these deep considerations)!