Ok, so it turns out things are even worse than I thought!!!
LOVE and WANT are not the same thing!!!!!
No, it's not like I just realized but I guess I did sorta forget...no I just never thought of things that way. I just thought that if a guy WANTS a girl, he must be attracted to her...and all that chemistry stuff. i also thought if a guy WANTS a girl, then he definitely must LIKE her at least. I mean, you guys want almost any girl, but you sort of don't demonstrate that to every other girl...right?!
So it's like so terrible...the other day, my ex invited me over to his place to watch footie(Russia vs. Japan), and it was all great we were just sitting on different couches and talking to each other and watching footie..so then they lost and we watched "Friends" (he's ot a tape), so then i said i'd better go, and we were already saying good-bye, and then...............
......................he suddenly kissed me.

OMG!! that was the most passionate kiss ever in all of my life!! i thought i'd die of the sudden overflow of emotions. Needless to say, that was awesome. It was the first kiss ever since we broke up and I realized that I love him. I wonder if he noticed the change in me...
So then we were standing and passionately kissing at the door, and then he asked me whether I'd like to stay..so I did.
Later on, we just wrapped up and I went home, and he dragged along, cause he had to go somewhere else too. So then we were walking and there was this intense silence. Then he apologized for "taking what he wanted right away"...I didnt say anything, because I was mightlily offnded! he just treated the whole thing as a MISTAKE.

Then I just went to the nearest mall to "restore myself" , which is literally to "eat some chocolate". I was really collapsed. Have I been USED?!
I couldn't even resist him, no I just couldn't. I hate myself.

NO! he didn't do that because he was IN LOVE with me. He just WANTED me. Ugh.

To make things worse he dissapeared for two days. Needless to say he's got ten million ways to contact me. Cellphone, sms'ing, ICQ, e-mail...not to mention my phone.
Then yesterday he called me, and again...AGAIn, I just couldn't resist him. WAAAH! I promised myself i wouldn't talk to him for a week AT LEAST, and then I just forget about the whole thing withing two seconds, hearing the same dear voice! We never mentioned the incident.

I told my older sister everything, and she said that the whole thing is MY fault. Like what was I expecting when i where the things i wear, when i wear make-up. She just accused me of provocation.
Well, like any girl I do wear make-up and normal clothing, but goodness I'm not a whore. what some people say about me is that i don't do anythin to be sexy or anything, it's just here. i flirt but in reality I don't. I just don't realize the fact that i avtually do. It's just there- naturally.

So he just WANTED me?!

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I have it all. Including kino.