Woman, god they can screw up a perfectly good life.

To be perfectly honest this sounds like an extremely vicious cycle, shes afraid of hurting you, so she won't show affection towards you, so you cannot show her you love her, so she's afraid of being hurt by you.
A question you need to ask her:
Why she's afraid of hurting you?
If she's afraid of hurting you then this is probably because she isn't 100% sure she wants to be with you.

In a nutshell one of you needs to break this cycle. But it sounds extremely complex, and i'm not really sure of the best method for you to get back what you had together.