Hey all, sorry if you hate this stuff, newb members barging in, don't obey particular Forum Etiquette and stuff... but frankly I'm totally mystified with my relationship, that I'm willing to take the risk of being flamed :/

I will try and make this simple (and usually when I say that I write an essay, but I promise I will trim it down as much as I can...)

Okie... 2 years ago I met a girl online called Amandine (infact she added me via MSN randomly, cause she saw I liked a particular anime she liked), anyway, for a year we were friends (although she loved me without telling me for the second half of that year), which at the same time I was suffering some personal problems and wasn't nasty... but wasn't nice to her either, she was quite bothersome with how I was feeling most the time, so our relationship came to a stand still...

Anyway, when that depression of mine finaly passed, I realised I was going slowly back into it again because things happened... and I sorta just put me back at the start without solving anything. But whilst I was remotely happy, I realised I may have fallen in love with her because she finaly poured her heart out and said she loved me! I also realised meeting my penpal Amandine might just help me ALOT. I would escape England (my country), all my pressures of college and stuff, and... the week I spent with her was PERFECT, absolutely perfect, and I was convinced I was in love... the next few months (March till about July), we chatted alot on MSN, with the webcams, and we really enjoyed it all...

Then the past month or so thingss sorta changed, I felt my love wasn't as strong anymore, and I was beginning to wonder if I was ever actually in love or not. The first time I visited... sure I met her, but I also fixed my entire life at the same time, so that was an incredible relief, along with the release of my stress, it was like a dream, so I think maybe love wasn't love, but... just great relief or something crazie ~_~ I'm not sure.

Anyway... I visited her last month (August), from the 13th-27th... and frankly it was a nice time :/ That's it... we were much closer... physically... but emotionally I just wasn't that effected...
First time I visited, i cried on the plane on the way back, then the next day... this time one tear was shed when I was leaving her at the airport... and that was it! *sighs* She started school today, and she says she will only be online FOUR hours a week... frankly *and sorry if this sounds really insensetive* but I don't care... I think I am getting tired of her, I am getting tired of her endless silly arguements (god, earlier today was ridiculous, got all upset because I HAD to practise my piano for a lesson tomorow)...

And you know, I don't think I love her anymore, if the love ever EXISTED at ALL! Christ... with the way things are, I don't think the love is there... I wish we could break up, and remain friends, but knowing her history, I'm afraid to do just that.
Before she met me, a French guy in her school became her boyfriend, they were really happy... then he suddenly starts ignoring her, and eventually walks out on her, because she was too much hassle for him... "high maintenance" I agree ¬_¬ Anyway, this happened early in the days when we first met, when I started having issues, and not being that in kind to her, she started considering... doing something that would be EXTREMELY detrimental to her health to say the least... except she managed to hang in there and wait for me to recover.

How do I know if I leave her... she won't accept being friends, and do something... <i>stupid</i>? Frankly, the thought of losing her worries me (like you would with any friend), and I don't want her out of my life... just... I think she has just been a really good friend all this time... and I'm not sure she will understand <b>ALL OF THIS</b> I just said.

Infact... I will be astonished if anyone reads all this >_<;; Let alone understanding it, I generally have deplorable sentence structuring, so I apologize in advance for that, and THANK YOU in advance, for even taking the time ot read this, even if you don't reply!

And for the record, yes there is another girl in England that I have for the past month or so... been interested in, but it's not affecting us... just... I can't handle Amandine, frankly she is too much for me or something :/ ANY help is appreciated on this matter... thank you.

By the way... I guess my question on a whole is...
Do I Love Her?
If Not, Do I Break Up And Hope For The Best?

Deepest Regards,
Ruro