I'm new here and hadn't turned to the internet for advice before but this situation that I'm in is really bothering me.

My relationship of 4 1/2 years with my bf, who is 4 years younger than me, have gone through some really rough times. I'm not going to into much details but it all started back in jan '04 when I called it quits because of a job I took and felt that I was going to be way too busy to give him the love and affection he needed. I told him (let's call him Jon) we can still be friends and made it clear to him about it everytime we talked. During that time I met someone through co-workers of mines and at first we didn't like each other but then something sparked and I had an interest in him until I found out who he really was. All I could think of was Jon and how my heart belonged to him since he was always on my mind. We went back out and that was that. Jon eventually found out about this other guy from snooping around the internet on my sisters personal site and she assumed that other person was my bf which he wasn't. Jon and I found about it and I kept telling him I never went out with that person nor was it the reason I wanted a break. That was that.

Now, a year after (Feb '05) he ended doing the same thing accept he told people we weren't together when he told me we were. I confronted this girl who had no idea he had a gf of 4 years still and she was pissed and I don't blame her but my problem was with Jon not her I just wanted to juicey details that Jon wouldn't tell me. After finding this out (about 2 weeks ago) I figured i deserved to get cheated on like this. I don't know what to think or how to feel.

Everything feels different. Though recently he's been spending a lot of time with me my heart doesn't feel settled like his revenge isn't over yet. For over a year he's had that hate inside of him. How do I know he's going to love me like before? I can't stop thinking of him and that other girl together. Even though he says he just used her for revenge and he didn't like her, it just doesn't seem to fit of the actions he took. I've never been through something like this which is why I'm asking advice on how to handle and possibily deal with it.