Damn, I thought I was doing alright. I told her about my idea to move to her town after I graduate. She is positive about it but fears that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons -- and she's right. She didn't say this exactly but she says things like, "I'm scared that if you do come to Dallas you will annoy me," or, "I'm afraid I'll grow tired of you," and, "I want to know that I can do it on my own before I start a life with you." These aren't exact quotes, but the jist is there. Man, my friends said I was trying too hard and I am. I swear to god, I can't just chill. I feel sorry for even bringing it up with her. It was all I could do not to start ballin' right then. What a pathetic mess I am right now. You know it's funny, because, before I met Her I was was always wanting to feel like I was in Love. My life felt so empty and bland, and I remember thinking that I would love to feel the quiet desperation and panging that I used to have for secret crushes in middle school. Maybe you all can remember what torture that was. Any way, 10 or 15 times that is what I got now and the stakes are way higher, and I guess it's just kinda funny, that's all. Isn't that funny? I am happy that I can see some humor in it because the alternative is suicidal thoughts. Not really, but It gives me hope for myself. I believe she doesn't want to feel guilty if I move to Dallas and things don't happen for us. She is right to feel this way. How did she become the practical thinker in this mess? This is such a catch 22, huh? Imagine, for a second -- It's Dallas or bust for this relationship. I live three hoyrs away and if I commit to two or three more years of school, there is no way we're gonna last -- now that's practical thinking. I can't go to Dallas for the wrong reason because I screwed myself and doomed the relationship -- possibly. I can't just sit on my ass and not look for a job or not apply to school until she makes up her mind. gotta go , I'll be back, serious drama in my brain at the moment.