Well, she is gone now. I feel so sad right now. I missed her before she has\d even left. I don't understaND HOW WE COULD HAVE HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCES IN this relationship, yet she does not feel as badly as I do about this. I just want for this to work out and it's very hard to have patience right now. I am scared, lost, unmotivated and somewhat deceived. I am really borderline, non-functional right now. How am I going to make it through this semester like this? I'm so scared and I don't even know why. I feel like I can't even use my "welfare checks" any more -- thay've heard it from me a million times and I feel like such an idiot falling into these same moods over and over. She really must be in a different state of mind than I. Maybe, if I can just graduate I will begin to see life beyond this relationship but god damn it's hard right now. I'm not close to my own parents and all my friends are guys. Sometimes I just want a hug and for someone to tell me that I'll be alright. I'm starting to feel that if I don't get ahold of myself, I will have to end contact with her just to save myself. I don't want to do this -- if I could just stay cool and wait it out, this is my best option.