Originally Posted by Tiay
bah.. I just wrote this entire reply but my stupid browser killed it. Miff.
That's why it's called a "Personal Confuser".
Originally Posted by Tiay
. . . I heard the "Have an orgasm before" bit before. I just fear being in a catch-22 situation; that is, need to have 'proper' orgasm to have sex, need sex to have 'proper' orgasm. Some further experimentation has to be carried out though
Please be careful - physically and emotionally - with that experimentation!
The "Catch 22" (have you actually read Heller's novel?) is probably the biggest shortcoming of a "planned" (versus totally spontaneous) first time experience. Physiologically it's probably most likely to be pleasureable if it "just happens" with an observant and caring partner who can tell when the right time is at hand. Mentally and emotionally it's probably more meaningful when both parties are certain they're ready, and prepare accordingly.
I heard much the same advice, and as you read in my account, totally forgot it. I hurt her much more than necessary, acted very selfishly, and lost my self control. It was lousy sex. But . . . It was also VERY significant to BOTH of us. In ten minutes the pain was gone. In an hour we did it again - with MUCH better (physiological) results. We had a lot of pleasure (and some absolute flops) learning together. And even though the sex was a big factor in holding us together a few times, it wasn't the ONLY factor, and much of the time it wasn't the biggest factor. It was something we added to an already established commitment. So if it's not absolutely perfect for you - where will that leave you? At the start of a great adventure, or amid the ruins of the biggest disappointment of your life?
Originally Posted by Tiay
(fictional) stupendous sex is everywhere yes, but that doesn't in itself imply that it's all the guys responsibility
. . .
But that's the primary message that guys hear. It comes down to something like, "If you do it right she'll have a mattress-thrashing, scream-into-the-pillow orgasm and be your devoted bed partner forever. If you mess up she'll be sleeping with your arch rival tomorrow and the rest of your life will be miserable because you ruined your one chance at the only person you could ever love."
Originally Posted by Tiay
Oh, btw, when this thread is old and I have an update, are you supposed to post it in the old thread or start a new one or what?
If it's actually a new question or a different topic, please start a new thread. If it pertains to THIS thread, find this thread and post in it. (To help re-locate this thread, bring up your own profile page and click on the "Find all posts by Tiay" or "Find all threads started by Tiay" links.) The Forum's database will recognize that a new post has been made and move the thread to the top of the listing (assuming, of course, that you sort threads by "Last Posting Date" - which I think is the default option).
The question you asked, or close variations, shows up once or twice a month. You would do young people a major favor if you DID give a little feedback about your experience - how you two arranged things, what you did, what worked/didn't work, what you'd change/not change if you could do it again, what advice was on the mark or way off target, etc.