wow im in gratitude from the shared thoughts about this terrible situation. I want to post a follow up just to put some other facts, feelings, and responses out there.

Never in a million years could I fathom such an incident taking place. But now I have to come to grips with it.

There is some past history worth noting. There was an incident of last year with inappropriate behavior between them two. What I mean is, he was over and I went outside, and apparently there was some touching. I confronted him about it and he appologized and said is was uncalled for. We never discussed exactly what happened, we just both agreed it was wrong. Now at this point when i bring it up he does not agree with what I beleive (and what she said happened). The story is changed. I could go into more detail, but it really would get too lengthy.

So yes there was some degree of problems within his marriage, and his wife was aware of it. She has been suspicious of things before. Not between him and my gf but just his dedication to his wife and family.

Do I think he did it? Well am pretty sure, though not absolute. Again, I think he has more to lose by admitting it than her. Im so pissed that he cant admit it to me!!

He has called me once since then. He didnt show up at my door with an inperson explanation. We had a 45 minute phone talk. He talk about how upset he was and that he didnt do anything wrong. He also made comments that he was so mad he "wanted to have her killed". OMG! - well I really highly doubt there would be any continuing relationships with them two at this point.

I actually could go about my life happilly never speaking to him again. Thats just me. I did not find our friendship that close and special over the last few years. It would be hard to get over being betrayed and lied to by him. But i dont have to have a close friendship with him. I do find male friends easiely replaceable. And rarely do I trust them anyway.

ok enough about him. I dont care.

Now, I hope I am not rambling on past the point where those reading lose interest.

I want to mention some things about her. Yes I said she has been honest in the past. And some here expressed doubt. I do know this because I have been with her pretty much 24/7. She had little contact with anyone else other than me and her sister, and her father. I saw her cell phone records as well. There is no indication she has had any random affairs or made attempts to hook up with other people. She has one been with about 4 people her whole life. That I know for a fact.

One person asked, why would it happen? Thats hard to answer. She cant explain it well either. However, lately she indicated feelings of a lack of affection with me primarily because I have been going through some physical limitations that make it difficult for me to be sexual (with anyone). Id rather not go into detail but it is more a medical condition that causes pain (not an std or anything). But really I do not feel it is my fault that it happened. There is no excuse. And there is more to a relationship than just sex.

Though what she did was wrong, there are details that make it more difficult to "move on", "dump her" or whatever. Over the years, I have felt much love and affection from her. She has done so many things for me. From take care of the house (grocerices, cook, clean, laundry) and gave me great emotional support in any times of trouble. She has listened to my problems (mostly work related) and always shown to care about how I feel. True, what happened does not show care for my feelings. But even she can not explain why it happened. Maybe she needs consouling for insecurity issues, or sex addiction... i dont know. But for right now, even though it hurts so bad knowing what happened, i do miss her. People must think i am an idiot for even thinking that.

Could I move on? Sure. I could leave the state, recolated somewhere, find a new love and new friends, and restart my life. But something tells me I will still seek the (good) things I found in her, from someone else, and somehow come up looking for more.

Still very very confused...

thank you for reading.