I think you are over-romanticizing a school-girl crush, and really need to get a hold of yourself.

Take responsibility for the bad choices YOU made, and quit trying to blame them on your mom, your dead grandma, a boy in primary school moving away, being picked on in school, etc. These are all run-of-the-mill events that happen to everyone, not just you. I don't mean to sound harsh, but the more you try to convince yourself that you are a victim, the less able you will be to take care of yourself properly as a young adult.

Forget about the boy from grade school. I am sorry to say he has most certainly moved on by now, and you need to do the same. Go to school and make something of yourself. Life is short.

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