Originally Posted by
Eurasian 
I know what you mean. But instead of reaching out for others, I seem to be pushing people away... which in turn has caused me to become quite hateful and vindictive. For example last night with my Uncle. The other week he tried commiting suicide and yesterday he goes to me, "Haven't you got some dishes to clean?" and I reply with "Haven't you got your wrists to cut?". That comment got me into deep shit, now I'm being threated of being kicked out for good because of my attitude. Bottling things up ain't doing me no good. It's just causing resent towards people I know, especially family. But I know there is no way in hell I would talk to anyone I know, especially family about how I "feel". I'm thinkin' about seeing a counseler about my issues. But not until Uni because I don't want anyone knowing.
Damn, I'm so gonna' feel like an idiot in the morning when I read over this shit.
I think half of the reason...probably more so of why I look for companionship is simply to share all of this with. Y'know, somebody who can act as an emotional crutch when I need it.
I had it for a little bit. And it was such a relief on my conscience.
Now that the relationship has changed, it's gone.
Why do girls think all that stuff can stay the same after things have changed?
Like, they really think we can still be "friends", and that the only thing different is the lack of physical affection.
With my real friends, my guy friends, the inability to discuss these things doesn't really bother me, I'm comfortable with our relationships as is, know what I mean?
Am I looking for a motherly type figure?
I guess I am.