I decided to take dancing lessons a while back so I could bump and grind against hot older women. I told my boss I needed every Thursday afternoon off because I was taking a class. It wasn't an outright lie, but I'm sure he thought I meant college classes.

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God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
-Mark Twain

If people are good only because they fear punishment and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
-Albert Einstein