Thanks you guys! I have lost almost 20 pounds in 3 weeks. I do like that part, becuase everyone says how great I look! Im still not eating the way I should. I HAVE to make the effort to eat at least once a day. There have been days even now which I just dont eat. The blood thing is just about gone. Im hoping that was something small. But its not as prevelant as it was.

As for the other things, Im not sure where I stand. Because I am gone alot, I find myself just pulling away more, not intentionally. But when I do come here on the weekends, I dont feel as though its my home. And I dont feel the closeness with Chris either. When I do come here, I still have unresolved issues about the fact he wont allow my son to come home. So Ive made the other place my home.

Im not ready for a divorce. But Im not also ready to say everything is ok. I think at some point we will need counseling. I know we will and he has agreed to it. It makes me angry because he says I need to get past what his mom said to my son, but what about everything else? Then why cant he get past my son and let him come home? Its ****ed up.

My son still comes first. My marriage last. Im trying desperately to get my health back.

Im getting there slowly but surely. Its all about getting myself together. I know Chris senses Im pulling farther away, I think thats why he's mentioned me working with him. (another thread). I am taking care of myself, or at least making a better attempt at it! Promise!

Thank you all for your input, it helps so much to have those reinforcement! Love you all

__________________
everything happens for a reason...