So let's call her "Jan" and me "Alex." Other guy is "Dan"

Jan and I have been dating 6 months. We immediately fell in love and we really really are in almost every way perfect for each other. Even our issues compliment each other's issues well.

I got her a job, "Dan" works there. It's fairly obvious to me that he has a thing for her. She's very nice to him saying he's one of her only friends.

My previous relationship was HORRIBLE. i was cheated on, lied to, lied MORE to (really, so much) and then SHE left me (which was a relief.) BUT that left me with so many trust issues, I now continuously check her text messages for signs, after repeatedly telling myself no and despising myself for it. I'm like an addict.

But I've found things like "I can't wait to work with you tomorrow, I miss my Dan time!" and texts from him saying "can you stop by work just for 5 minutes so i can see you?" And tonight, as she was sleeping I see her to him "I wrote you a note! you'll see it tomorrow when you get to work! well i wrote a few but you'll get whichever one i like best, you don't get to see all of them!" Am i crazy thinking this is something she just doesn't want me to see? That she's trying to tell him that she has feelings for him? Maybe didn't know how to do it, that's why there are a few? I don't get notes! am i just so damaged that i can't trust anyone? even the love of my life?

You can answer now if you don't want to read anymore, here's just a little more backstory.

Peppered through all of these texts are usually texts of "I'm just waiting for Alex (me) to get home" and "Alex and i are going to a movie tonight, i can't wait!" so i'm so confused.

and it makes it VERY hard to bring these things up because her ex was controlling and verbally abusive and she talks alot about how he checked her texts in her sleep and would wake her up yelling at her for it. she generally lets me read her texts whenever i want, and regularly tells me she loves ONLY me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. why would she lie? but do people always act like this with their friends?