There's nothing wrong w/saying its a piece of crap that doesn't do anything for you. That's a valid opinion, and yours. But to suggest there are all kinds of tools & rules to apply to improve it, I think, takes away from the sponteneity and mindset of the author.

Mbe he *was* confused, his feelings half-baked w/huge periods of emptiness when he wrote this. Mbe his emotions so overwhelmed his intellect that he could only come up w/monosyllabic words to say what he was thinking. I kinda liked the idea of using the physical spacing of the words for effect. Or mbe he scrawled that in blood on his arm w/a dull penknife... that would imply effort & craft, lol. I'm making this up as I go, of course, but I think you get the idea.