That's basically why I feel that I should just ACT out how I initially was with Joy. I was someone I wasn't and she was attracted to that. When I opened up, everything went downhill. Sure I messed up by opening up too quickly and putting all my eggs in one basket, but then again, she really didn't want that from me. She said so, but it was just a cover. She wanted her ex. She admitted at the end that she knows he doesn't love her how she wants him to but will always hope. She'll always pine over him. At least I walk away and save face. Sure I felt the sting of rejection and some betrayel. But if I ACTED like how I initially was. I wouldn't have been hurt and enjoyed her company knowing that she was just a step until the next person I meet. Just a ripple in the pool of my life and that's what all my ex's should've been instead of feelings like rocks thrown in. But then again, I could've had them end up to be ripples instead of splashes. But I was weak and naive and didn't understand any better how emotions can cloud judgement.

Of course she wasn't "the one", but if whoever that is, when I meet her I will probably figure it out. Until that point, what would be so bad about being someone i'm not? Just playing the game with whoever i'm with regardless of what they feel because if it's true love, it will last through the game, and if not, then it doesn't really matter does it? So why not take this approach so I don't get hurt? Just play up to anyone and if they ACT like they have feelings, so be it. If I don't think they're "the one" then i'll just enjoy what we have together and what I get from her and when it ends, it ends. I didn't give too much of myself to put into jeopardy, and I didn't ask for her to bear her soul (or act like she is), so she can walk away and save face. Only thing she loses is time spent. If it's not mean to be it wasn't really love to begin with because i'll never have opened up enough for her to love the real me. Just love how I treat her. She should be able to see that anyway, and if not then she'll learn from her mistakes like we all do.

If I feel that she's the one, then i'll stop playing and be me. If it doesn't work, then i'll take the pain and try again. But acting this way, it will probably save me alot of heartache and pain in the long run. What's so bad about that? Wouldn't it be nice to be the one to win in a relationship? I'd like to think so.

__________________
3 out of 2 people have problems with fractions.