What was my fault? That she was a lesbian? I should have known better than to take her to see an Ashton Kutcher movie. He'll turn any woman gay!

But yeah, she was a closet lesbian long before I met her. She wouldn't admit it for religious reasons. Later, she said she'd had crushes on girls since middle school.

Lesbians in denial make great practice girls. You can get all the kinks out without hurting anyone, and then be friends with them later. All in all, it was a pretty good deal.