[quote=kalupe;324623]O.K. kalupe, I was looking for your post for a while..

First of all, less nagging, more sex.. more relationship satisfaction.. seriously..

Looks like more nagging, less sex.. and satisfaction is going down..

It's not at all profound.. but what struck me as interesting is the fact that his sex-life has gone downhill, but seems the least bit interested, assertive, or motivated to change it.. ignoring or denying your requests to talk about it, meet up, or possibly slightly obvious calls for sex..

There's a reason guys do this.. and it doesn't spell out good news.. sorry in advance kalupe..

When they've made the choice, and set it in stone in their mind, that they're about to end things.. they immediately feel detached from the person.. not wanting to spend time with them, talk with them, engage in an emotional exchange, and much less, sex..

Example:

Last year, during the month of May, I knew I was going to break up with my ex.. I knew she still needed me in her life, and didn't want to put her in a rut.. But I knew that after November, it would be over, no question about it.. I was unhappy, I felt trapped, and I knew this wasn't the right person for me.. but I knew that the second after she was done with the Federal Reserve Bank of NY, it was over.. and during the months between that.. there was no sex.. and in the months before May, there was a sharp decline in my willingless to have sex.. as a guy, you could feel it.. lack of interest, lack of emotions, feelings, and connection towards the other person.. and your willingness for sex was gone.. plus you also don't want to feel the guilt of having sex with someone you're not feeling emotionally connected to.. because it's as if you're having sex just for the sake of sex.. and that would just be disrespectful with someone you've been with for such a long time, and shared so much with..

From her point of view.. sure, there was some nagging, but she had no idea what went wrong.. because it just hit her all at once during November, with just a month of transitioning..

From my point of view, there was nothing exceptional keeping me around.. I can't say the sex was outstanding, or anything special.. I can't say that I felt I found my match.. but more importantly.. I just wasn't happy.. constant nagging killed any chemistry or connection we had.. there was no motivation on my part to just ignore it.. I wasn't about to cheat.. but I wasn't about to stay with someone I knew wasn't right for me, no matter how much she tried to convince me, the choice was already made, it was final, set in stone from months ago.. there were other people out there left to get to know and possibly different..

So, reading more into your story, and trying to put the puzzle together.. The only clear picture i'm getting.. is a de ja' vous..

Why don't you just talk to him, and tell him.. that if he wants to leave, that if he wants to end it, that you're ok with it, but you don't want him to stay together with you, if he doesn't want to.. you don't want to be in a relationship where both people aren't in love with eachother.. so if he wants to go, he can go.. and you can both be mature about it, and still be friends, and not make it into some big deal..

I'm not saying it's easy.. all i'm saying is that you either have nothing to lose, and in the best case situation, better communication and understanding.. or.. you save yourself a lot of time and emotional investment with the wrong person, the person who doesn't feel the same way about you.. when you look at what you have to lose, or what you have to gain, the "fear" of not doing it because it might hurt, quickly starts to matter less and less.. and you start to instead realize.. more and more, what you want to do for yourself..

Best,

GrkScorp

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