You have to understand one thing about the world.., and about reality.., there are two versions of reality.., and you have a choice between which one you choose to accept.. and this is not some phenomenon that is unique to just you.., this applies to everyone..

Everyone wants to feel good about themselves.., we are constantly accepting and rejecting realities.., but more importantly.., others are doing the same exact thing.., and when some realities conflict.., we obviously want our reality to prevail.., this conflict of interest creates a "tug-of-war".. where others will try and prevail over conflicts or even create conflicts to prevail over.., just to try and feel good about themselves at the expense of an other person's esteem or self-image.. (even if the victory is false)

These are known as "frame games".., and they mostly apply to extroverted people.., notice how external validation is something that affects extroverts more! Introverts are more concerned over internal validation.. Notice what this says about what mode of reality each is willing to accpet.., Introverts are actually secure with themselves and confident in their abilities.., so internal validation is more important than external.., they still seek external validation.., but they are to some degree or another somewhat aware of the reason they don't get it.. (keep reading).., That is because extroverts are more concerned about external validation.., insecure in their internal self.., lacking internal validation.. they choose to accept the greater of the two.., and choose to accept the external reality.. a socially accepted & constructed reality.., and so.., this external reality.. becomes their world.. it's very important to them.., and they will defend it and seek to prevail in it constantly.. (remember.., tug-of-war)..

What you end up with are extroverts who are either unaware or choose to ignore the motives they have to construct such a reality for themselves.., and introverts who are unaware of the motives the extroverts have in constructing and maintaining their external validation.. (of which includes.., trying to belittle others.., trying to prove themselves superior.. all in a relative sense.. to maintain validation)

Examples: (more subtle.. not exclusive to types)

"You don't know what you're talking about.. I've been in this office for 10 years! You think just because you're the hot new rookie around here.., you can do my job better than me? Just try to do what I do for a day.., make me laugh.. that should put you in place" (notice how this is defensive.., the senior lacks internal validation for his/her abilities and the results he/she can yield.., and now that this new rookie is doing his job better.. the rookie is crushing and destroying the senior's external reality.. the source of the senior's external validation.. so you naturally see a strong attempt to try and defend it)

"What do you know about kids? I'm a woman.., i'm a mother.., go watch some football or fix something around the house.., or whatever it is that you're good at as a guy.., and leave me alone"

"What do you know about video games/sports? I'm a guy.., i've been playing games/sports with the guys for years.., go watch some soaps or make some dinner.., or whatever it is that you girls do.., I don't want you to embarrass yourself"

"Haha! What the hell do you know about ____? Oh.., don't listen to him/her.., it's cute how he/she is trying to help.., but I think you should leave this to people who actually know what they're talking about" (notice how this reaks with implications.., and how the implications reak with motives)

"You just hate me because i'm beautiful.., it's ok.., not everyone is good-looking.., it's not your fault.., there's no reason to be jealous or anything.., I thought you were cool.., I was going to let you start hanging out with us.., but I guess not anymore.., you can go back to your friends.." (again.., we get the idea)

Yeah.., the examples were quite intense.., but just to illustrate the point.. that if you allow other people to force their reality on you.., they will.., there's a constant tug-of-war.. if you let go of the rope.., then you're letting the other person win.. But the point is not to win the game of "tug-of-war".., but not bother playing it to begin with.. When you can smell motives & intent in others.., their opinions count for nothing.., their external reality is meaningless to you.. "other people's opinions of you don't matter".., because these are no longer objective and unbiased opinions.., there is a motive attached..

The first step to change.., in knowing how to not let any meaningless distractions come in the way of the change you want to see for yourself.., and a fundamental belief to that is.. "other people's opinions of me don't matter".., they really don't.. not just negative opinions.., but positive opinions.., because very rarely will you get either one.. without some underlying motive or intention attached.., therefore.., very rarely will anyone's opinion of you hold any real meaning or truth.. therefore it can be ignored..

The change you want to see for yourself.., is something completely internal.., it's not something others can give you.., and therefore it's not something you should look for.. others to give you.., they can't.., only you can be the cause for the change you want to see for yourself.. anything else is not really change.., it's an "act"..

Best,

GrkScorp

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If you can't stop the Wind, then you can't stop the Storm.