Lol. Thanks J...I think...
I do feel the same way. But I talked with one of my friends today and I honestly don't have the right to tell her what to do. One one end of the spectrum, I FEEL like i'm her bf, but of course...I am not. I know that at this moment, feelings are strong but when it comes down to it...i'm just a guy she's cheating on her bf with. Unfortunate, but realistically true. We both feel that we should have something workout between us. But of course it's in her hands now and I can't control that. I know 5 years with someone is along time and difficult to give up. I found it very hard to leave someone of 3 years and that was AFTER the fact she cheated on me. But she was my first real ltr gf. This is the same for her. She feels he's cheated on her already but can't prove it, and he's hurt her and the love and feelings are gone but there is still those 5 years. You can't deny that just that time could be enough from keeping her from leaving. There's nothing I can do about it.
And even if she SAYS she's done with him...how do I know she really is? She goes back home and he's 15 minutes away. Who's to say he doesn't show up and goes "I forgive you for being with him. Come back to me, I'll be good." (possibly knowing that he already has cheated so they're even now in his mind)
I just don't know. My friend thinks there is a very high chance that everything will go back to the way it was before she met me, after the summer. That she'll stay with him. She asks me about him and her and what to do and I will not tell her what I THINK she should do. It's not my call. I know she's basically asking if I think I could give her some commitment if this all pans out, and on one end I would, but I know that if the risks don't change, I won't promise anything.
I'm sad because I know she's still torn up. Somehow she feels that she can't stop him from coming down. But last night she said he's not sure if he will now because he feels something is wrong. So maybe that's good, but part of me WANTS him to come down so that they WILL have a confrontation. I feel that if he doesn't show up that it will be IMPOSSIBLE for her to breakup with him over the phone. That she will not have "closure" and be sad and feel as though it isn't completly over. Always hanging on to one last bit of him which = half hearted crap for Bono.
I don't know what to think. I feel the strongest connection with this girl that i've ever felt for someone. And so much of me wants to be selfish and just tell her to dump that guy and that it's "Now, or i'm gone." kinda response. BUT, that's just the voice inside me. Looking at it logically, I know I have no right and no reason to command anything from her. I'm a guy she's allowed to get close to her and make her feel good while she's in a relationship with someone else. That's all I ACTUALLY am.
If she asks me for a commitment or to have this relationship grow, then I WILL set my boundaries. She WILL have to dump this guy and be done with him. No text messages, no phone calls, no visiting, no nothing with him. (Obvious you know?) If she does that but I feel that she is hiding the truth from me or doing stuff behind my back, i'm gone. Just like with Joy.
But I don't know if this is even a possibility yet. I know she thinks I am a risk too. She doesn't know about what I do away from her. She knows I have girls that are my friends (and that's all) call me but she doesn't know them so she's curious and jealous. She doesn't know if I could last without physically cheating if she was away and we tried doing long distance. There are alot of risks to both sides here. The bad part is, I am the one who is more at risk.
I am FREE from all situations. She is INVOLVED with another. She has more to lose (5yr relationship) but I have more at risk. (Being with someone who has cheated even though they knew the relationship is dying, and hence being with someone too weak to stand up and do the right thing because of fear or selfishly trying to avoid conflict and pain)
So I am very confused as what is correct in this case and what is wrong. (or just foolish) My heart tells me to not care and just go all out because of what I feel, but I remember that my mind and heart have to work together to stay happy. My heart is just LETTING me be happy right now. But my mind has to let it STAY that way in the future, and these choices and options will decide that in this case with her.