First off, I went with my gut and against pretty much everyones advice and sent her the letter telling her everything. Exactly how I felt, what made me intrigued to spend time with her, what my intentions were, what they weren't, clearing up any misconceptions, addressing somethings from her past, pointing out how I interpreted her actions along the way. Admitting that I have a strong urge to see her and I'm disappointed in the fact that a working relationship is all we have. I said it all, wasn't too long but it said a lot. I haven't opened myself up to someone like that in a long long long time.

I got a handwritten response from her, somewhat lengthy but not too lengthy. Basically i'm a great guy, she likes me, shes become emotionally detached, shes sorry for misleadings, she knows it got confusing, she doesn't have the time/effort/energy to invest, she wants to keep talking to me at work but with no attachments, she doesn't want me to be mad or upset, she wants me to be ok with it all and everything be cool.

I don't regret writing the letter, it got me a solid answer after 6 months of back and forth. I'm glad she knows how I feel, I'm glad its all out there, not that many people affect me like she has and get me to open up so i wanted her to know.

I was asking for a friendship, not a relationship, and she didn't accept it which kind've makes me feel like crap. I don't understand why shes not even willing to be friends with me and communicate on a semi-regular basis away from work. At the same time i think she realized although i was willing to try a friendship i'd always want more.


MY PROBLEM
*****My problem is i'm attached now, I put everything I had into her for a LONG time and I can't just turn that off. I know I can't keep pursuing her now, she knows how i feel and she has every source available to contact me if the urge arises. Seeing her at work is up to me, I can work in a different area and avoid her altogether if I want to. I still want to see her, I don't want to never see her again but I'm very afraid if I keep seeing her everyday, talking with her, staring into her eyes, seeing her smile at me, etc...I'm NEVER gonna lose this urge i have to be with her. I want to see her but I know I can't keep feeling the way I do for her, I can't continue to want something I can never have. For 6 months I haven't even looked at another girl, I haven't wanted to and i've thought about this chick sooooooo much. I can't keep living like that.

I know the best thing to do is probably cut her off completely, just try and get over it unless she calls. I just like being around her and don't want to be done with her, I haven't opened up to anybody like this...reason i spill my guts so much on here is because I have nobody else I feel comfortable enough to do that with in reality and I'm there with her, shes the only exception in my life.

I just don't know what to do.