Man. What a weird day. I changed dozens of moods today. From desperation through hope and satisfaction to anger and back.

I have decided to let her do what she wants. I won't initiate anything. I won't send her any messages. If she sends some to me I'll answer it, but I'll try not to show any serious interest in her. I'll let her think I started to cool down.

I told her everything what I think of her. I tried to show her I am capable of more than I showed before, but I think that if I keep pushing her she will either panic and run away or she might get the impression that I am a sure thing to which she can return when ever she likes.

Maybe this is exactly what she thought when she cheated on me.

If she really has that feelings towards me like she was saying before that vacation,then she will start realising she might lose me, and decide to come back.

If she doesn't realise that, then her feelings were never real, and although It would be a pitty, I'll let her go without whyning.

At least I'll feel good about myself knowing I didn't make a complete idiot out of myself. I screwed enough already by not showing the initial anger for what she did to me at the time she told me. I only said I'm sorry for what she did but I pushed my anger deeper into me, which I know is not very healthy or very honest.
At the time she confessed, I saw she was miserable so I guess I tried to comfort her by accepting an appology and saying I am ready to forgive it eventualy when I gain all the confidence I had in her before.

I still won't give up on her, becouse I know it would be pitty, but I can't make her realise that if she doesn't want to.

I know that cheating shouldn't be tolerated easily, but I am willing to take that risk, becouse I know she is worth it and I know how dissapointed she is with her self now. I saw it in her eyes becouse she looked down when I looked in her eyes this morning after kissing her.

I know I have a hard road before me to take, but at least I know I'll learn to respect myself and my desires a bit more.

Thank you all for helping me realise that. Now I only have to put this into practice, and this is something only I can do.

I'll try taking more chances in my life. I mean, I can show much more curage in other fields in life, I think It's about time to show more curage in my love/emotional life.

I'll try post any changes here if for nothing else then as some kind of a diary.
I hope you wont mind.