I just have this feeling that whenever she's with me she feels to vulnerable and it puts her in an awkward position(she's even said that she only gets shy around me) so that's another reason why she decided to do this. I know why she feels vulnerable though, it's because well since she hurt me before I just never really trusted her, but now since a friend of mine has gotten me to realize that she's so open with me that she tells me everything I'm ready to trust her.

I know why her feelings became mixed, because well I was giving off a mixed vibe the whole time and I wasn't breaching the depths of my heart.

I did email her thursday morning and well she hasn't emailed me back yet but I said I'd call Sunday in the email so I'll call Sunday... I mean hopefully she doesn't want to throw away our friendship too now just because she's afraid(doubt it though, she's to good of a person to do that, and she would be basically doing what I did before, ignoring me for some odd reason and then there's me which was her before trying to make things work god it's going to be funny if that's the case). Also, in the email I said we haven't done anything for awhile and I want to ask you a couple things next time we do something.

About your thing about why I like her so much.. me being a shy person and someone liking me and I'm all over them... This just makes me believe I need to bring up how I got hurt in the first place. I had a really bad crush on her and well she never told me her feelings were there and well my friends got me to believe that she felt nothing towards me when I told them for the longest time that she did... so eventually I was heart broken because I liked her so much and I thought she felt nothing towards me at all.

One time she told me that she'd never want to ruin what we had and that she'd never want to screw up with me... well just ask if I left anything out I'm going to tell you what I'm going to say next time we're together.

You know those couple things I wanted to ask you. The first one is do you want to completely throw away everything between us or do you want to keep on doing stuff together to see if your feelings are true? I just have this feeling that all of this came about just because I wouldn't kiss you. I don't know if that's why you got cold feet for sure but if that is the real reason I'm ready to warm your feet up now and kiss you. Then hopefully after we kiss I'm going to say a lot more relating to my feelings towards her, I'll be sure to include the trust bit and now I'm ready to tell her anything. I also have to be sure to say that I'll never hurt her and that I'm willing to trust her now with never hurting me again so why can't she do the same.


wow I can't believe I wrote all of this back in the day, oh well I still agree with it