Originally Posted by dbrckovi
I told her she was going too fast in the first place. I told her the mistakes she was doing, and told her she obviously has some issues with her self which she has to solve before she can be ready for more serious relationship.
Although I agree you, I've found that rephrasing negative statements to be directed to the person complaining, rather than the person being complained to, often greatly helps to smooth over difficult subjects. If you encounter similar circumstances with her in the future, the following example might be helpful:
For example, instead of saying "there are a number of emotional and internal issues you need to resolve," it could be reworded to say something like "I feel that I'm not being given a fair chance in this relationship; you seem to be emotionally undecided as to whether or not you want the commitment."
By slightly altering the sentence, you can direct the problem towards yourself, which can help to prevent the other person from feeling insulted and reacting negatively.
they were dragging her away from her problems promissing everything will be allright if she doesn't think about that. I spent 2-3 hours yesterday trying to convince her that she can't do that anymore. She's 21 and it's about time she takes some matters in her own hands.
I believe that for her, the age of adolescent flirting and wild behavior has long passed. She should be responsible for herself and her actions, rather than, for lack of a better set of words, choosing to "jump around."