Hi again.

I was really pissed off yesterday and I finaly said everything I wanted to say to her from the bottom of my heart and I'm not sorry for that. If she'll want to be with me some time in the future, it's better for her to know that I have the other (angry and proud) side of me which won't let anyone play with my feelings and self respect.
Until yesterday this side was silent becouse I thought she'll understand when I explain nicely, but she obviously needs someone to get angry with her to understand some things. I think this is another proove that she's actualy a teenage girl "trapped" in a body of 21 old.

I sent her few messages yesterday saying I'm angry with her for playing with my feelings becouse I'm trying to move on with my life.
I told her if we are broken up then I expect her to behave like this.
I told her she doesn't have the right to be jelous (don't know if I spelled that right)
or the right to ask one day relationships from me.

I told her I want her to say "Hi!" when she sees me on the street and eventualy we can go on a cup of cofee but that's it.
If she has some problems, she can ask me or talk to me about it, becouse I want us to stay friends, but I won't let her play games with me anymore.

If, after all I have said and done for her, she won't be able to come back then it's better for us to be apart. I know this kind of honesty would work on me, but time will tell if she'll ever understand what I was saying, and what I'm willing to offer.

After that said I really don't care what her decision will be if she ever decides anything. It took some time to accept that we're not together anymore but now that I accepted it I'm ready to move on. I know I'll be happy in my life. That's what's most important to me.

I know I'll still have moments of desparation and I'll never completely get over her but at least my conscious is clear, and I finaly feel good about myself.

Until she clears her conscious too, I won't have anything intimate with her.


Blue...
Thanks but I won't cut all contact becouse I know how hard it is for someone to ignore me.
I just won't do that to her. That week when she was on a vacation, I was in hell just becouse I didn't know what's going on. If she told me what was going on immediately
I'd be crushed but at least I'd know what I should think and in which direction I should go.

I won't initiate anything but I will briefly answer her calls and messages (maybe with one or two hours delay just to make her worry), if for nothing else then to show that I'm still alive.

When she called me on friday to ask me where I was and what I was doing, it did hurt a bit, but it was a short and friendly conversation. It didn't bother me that much.
But I won't tolerate her saying one thing and doing the opposite.