Zekk, it sounds like you are hurt and afraid. What are you afraid of? That someone is gonna like you? That clearly shows lack of self confidence. I know you are trying to be "100% selfless," but one there isn't such a thing and two, that won't help you. Because every time you put all of yourself in someone, once they are gone, what do you have left - nothing. Just enjoy what life brings you - life is short, so it's in our best interest to make it fun. I don't remember who said this but I'll tell you cause it's funny...He said, "Life's a bitch, and then you die." I don't agree. A lot of times I feel like young and healthy people have no excuse for not having fun and not being happy. Once you get to be old - you'll realize what I'm talking about, but it'll be too late. And I also know that you'll read this and it might make you feel different for a while, but then you'll forget about it and cary on like before. Something major has to happen for you to have a real mind change. I'll also tell you that like you said - you get that spark of hope and then you crush it. Not for long my friend. You might cursh it now, but before you know it you'll find yourself letting another relationship in your life - what I'm saying is, if you run from it, it will catch up with you sooner or later. Why have it later? Learn how to deal with it now.