In the case of this girl at work, i saw her just before i left tonight, infact i didnt see her for most of the day and it was total luck that i bumped into her on my way down the corridor to go home. To be honest i was testing to see if she would contact me before i left considering it was her last day, she hadnt but maybe i was supposed to say have a good trip and so it was my fault. Anyway had a little chat, wished her well, she thanked for me for the book i gave her again, i asked if she wud b emailing work when she is away n i said well add me to the list as id like to know what she gets up to, she said she would and would sent pics. Im happy that we parted on good terms. At first when i bumped into her i headed down the corridor but turned back to wish her a good trip n then talked, i think she may have been waiting for me to say it, rather than her say anything, i wudnt have been happy if we hadnt spoke before she left.
On drive home felt good, sad that she is gonna b gone but at least she will contact me while she is away i thought. I admitted to someone at work today, when i was askd who in the building would u say is a babe, and i said Gill, im sure it must have been obvious what i thought of her.
I thought during my drive home that i really do wanna improve myself and should go to the doctors, nxt friday is my birthday, and ppl from work are going out down the town to the pubs that night for someone in my offices birthday in a couple of weeks and im expected to go even tho they know i always say no. i did consider it when i was feeling good on way home but think will see what happens at the doctors, although by then my feeling good and new determination will have gone and probs not go out on the nightout anyway.
Its strange, if i do get some help and change i should thank gill, even if nothing happens with us when shegets back, even though it would be great if i was so lucky. I think as time passes i will gradually get over gill not being here, well in the back of my mind and hopefully focus on improving myself mentally and physically.

I do know i need to get my life on track, but i think some kind of treatment is needed before that stage, just to get the basis in my head in line.

I may feel totally different once the weekend is gone and im back at work and end up shying away form things again, and letting things eat up inside me about who i am, and wanting someone special. I do need to help myself though.

Just thought id add this and see what you think
Lee