High school is 'over the hill' for me. I'm now a senior, with about 8 months left of my high school career. There IS some girl that I'm attracted to, but I don't think it will develop into anything, although we've gotten to know each other quite well in less than a month. But there is no point now, anyways. Relationships started now will probably crumble away by the time high school ends (the whole seperation for college thing). I'm 17 years old, never been in a relationship, never been kissed, rarely flirted with or flirt in general. As you can see, I have fairly low self-esteem and am pessimistic, but even with this in mind, I don't consider myself to be a loser. I have pretty good social skills, even though I'm kinda shy. A lot of people like me, and people who get to know me say that I'm a good person, that I have good morals and ethics. I know a lot of people, albeit a lot of them I don't know well. So in that sense I suppose I wouldn't fall under that 'loser' category.

I don't know if the right girl has come yet, but I think that if she doesn't come soon or hasn't already come, I don't think I'll ever find her. I feel that college will be much the same way, and after that, how the hell do you meet girls? That's always been my question. It seems that at bars, clubs, etc., the prime objective is to look for possible dates or significant others. When you try really hard to get someone, you never get what you want. I feel that the one for me isn't here, because I rarely get attracted to any girl here, and when I do, it always ends in some kind of pain to me. But I also feel that it will be the same no matter where I go.

I wouldn't consider myself ugly, but I am apparently not hot because I don't seem to attract girls. The personality seems to be there, but I think I am too passive. I'm not going to change myself to get a girl, though. Seemingly, there doesn't seem to be a solution. That's the worst part. Sometimes I feel like giving up on love, which really hurts, because I'm the romantic, dreamer type. I guess that would make me a 'hopeless romantic', as cliche as I may sound.

Girls don't care about those kinds of qualities, in my opinion. They know people like me make the best friends, but I never pique interest as anything more than a friend. But it is not the girls' fault, nor is it mine (well, it may be mine, because that's how I am), it's just that my type just doesn't attract girls. It does really piss me off that the guys who only care about sex get relationships and when they break up with the girl, the girl has this emotional breakdown like she thought this guy was in for a long-term relationship, and the guys who are long-term material just aren't appealing. It's a sad world, a big paradox that makes perfect sense to me and at the same time, is an unsolvable mystery. But I guess it's not fair to just say that about women. It's somewhat the same way with guys, and guys have a lot more cons on their side when it comes to relationships than women. But then again, these are the generalized guys, the ones who always get relationships but aren't fit to be in one.

Thank you for listening to my rant. It was circular and got nowhere, but thanks for reading my bitching.

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