When I got home, I started to read. There were logs from 17th of August till 14th of October. I pretty much read only what she talked with Steve.
(because all this is already rather long, I'll write in short about what was written in the logs)

- they keep on talking about strawberries..
- he told her that her gift was to quick...
- he keeps on telling her how he'd like her naked in his bad, she doesn't mind...
- they agree on a picnic with "strawberries" (when they were at a party) and agree to tell other that they will come later..
- he asked her if she had any strawberries, she says yes, he asked if they were "home made", she says "no", he asks if than she cheated on me again, she answers "no", than he says "than they were home-made" (so it's pretty much obvious that strawberries mean something sexual...)
- he asks her "did you cheat on him again or what"

So basiclly there is nothing really obvious about what they had, but you get the picture that sth did went down.

I printed all the stuff (about 41 pages), marked all the "wrong" thins and gave it to her. She saw it and told me that this is nothing, that it was only a play between Steve and her over the internet and that nothing happened.

After about 2 hours of talking I broke up with her. All the time in between she kept on bothering me to re-think everything. To give her another chance. She is still telling me that she did nothing with him (not even a kiss or anything) and that she'll do anything just for another chance. That she loves me, that she wants to be my wife, mother of my children and all that (before all this I really tough we'll stick together forever, she was really the one, everything was super).

So, I'm asking you for advice. What would you do...? Could you eat it up? No matter what she says, I think she went all the way with him at least once and did some other stuff a couple of times durring this period.

Is it worthed? I can push all of my feelings in the back for some time (for an hour or two or best for a day..), but than it all comes back and it hurts as hell.

I talked to her several times durring this past three months, asking her to tell me what is going on as she has obviosly changed, but she kept on telling me that nothing is going on. I tried to do anything to make us work, but she didn't. Not until now, when I really broke up with her.
She keeps on telling me that she'll make me feel as good as I made her feel when we started dating (I was all over her, madly in love, she always felt like a princess), telling me that she won't go anywhere without me, that she'll be only at home and at school.
I don't know what to do. On one side, I still love her. Maybe not as much as I did, but still. I know how good she is (in all fields) and I know that it will be hard to find somebody else like her. On the other side I want to kick her so hard that she'll land on the other part of the world. She lied to me for three months just to have a good time either partying or whatever with Steve. I told her that now that I know something went on durring those three months that I don't know if I even existed as her fiance at that time. That I feel i was worth lees than dirt at that time now as I see how I was right when she kept telling me I am wrong about everything....

She keeps telling me that now that she realized that it was wrong what she did, that she could be my best friend, a good partner, a good wife and a good mother.

But how come somebody can't figure out on his own that what he is doing (for 2-3 months!!!!), even if it was only talking over the internet, is wrong..? I can't understand that..

Is it worthed? Should I take her back one last time? Should I give us a try...? Could you be able tu trust a person like this again??

Please, don't tell me "do what you think it's right to do" because I wouldn't be writing all this if it would be all that simple to me...


Thank you so much for puting up with me...