I believe this before/after marriage line that is drawn for sex is absurd in the way morals are absurd to me. It is just rules made by man that has become a standard or a point of reference for everyone to measure against. Just as much as marriage itself, what most people agree on what it's rules are. People don't set their own rules, they are predetermined.

In the spirit of breaking away from that, I make my own moral rules. These are ones of reponsibility and accountability. Take responsibility for your actions and don't do things which will be harmful to others...physically, emotionally, or any other way I may have left out.

So my issue with sex "before marriage", to use that barometer: Sex produces children. Children who don't ask to come into the world and who I believe you should be responsible for if you are his/her parent. That's my only qualm against sex and is why I don't go out and pursue sex vigorously as the majority of people do. It's not that I'm not ready to be a parent. Most parents aren't, even when they plan one. It's doubly worse if you're not planning a kid. Right now it's about me being selfish and wanting my life to be for me, right now. When I have a kid, my life will be about raising my baby until he/she's old enough to be on her/his own and a character will be defined and I've done about all I could.

So it's about the responsibility of parenthood to me.

Now I know you'll say that there are ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies, and I agree, there are methods as good as 99% effective. So in this respect, to me, it's a matter of risk. Do I want to risk a 1% probability that my plans will be thrown out the window and life changed, or do I hold out?

I guess I'm past my horniest ages, I've already held back for 26 years, I think I can hold on for the duration, if I desire.

Now, do I desire that? No, I don't. I don't want to go my entire life without such a big part of human existence. If my quest right now is to learn as much as I can about myself included with everything I take in, not having sex will limit a lot of my experiences...as well as not drinking/smoking/drug usage. And here I have more choices to make.

But I digress..

Back to the topic. Right now I'm holding out for the reasons I gave. I think when I have sex for the first time, things will change..my views will change, I probably won't be able to hold off from the desire to get it as much as I can, like most guys do. So ideally, I'll allow myself meaningful sex, with someone I've known and have a pretty good idea of who the woman is and that we could raise a child together in relative peace if the ideal "traditional home" isn't an option. But I'm also afraid that once I have sex that first time I'll begin to get more and more careless, leaving the opportunity open for a potential pregnancie.

It's like playing with fire...you may not always get burned..you can be careful and not get burned..until you get careless. But if you don't play with fire at all, you won't get burned.

Freds

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All I know is I know nothing - Socrates