i thought the wordiness of the post above was the only way to put things as fairly as possible for people to consider. i understand it might just be too much to get through. here's the abridged version:

relationship ended over some things that developed from the following.

month 2 or so: girlfriend wants to get back from a vacation 1000 miles away to meet guy for hike - we were driving and had 1.5 days to get back. she met him on match previous to meeting me, emailed with him, and hung out with him once. he was visiting our town for a festival from 2000 miles away. no invite for me to join, and it was referred to as a "date" before i asked "date?", to which she said she was joking. not a biggie to me - early in relationship.

month 3 or so: we're seemingly mutually steady. she makes plans to hang with a guy that i believe she had met on match previous to our meeting. she'd only hung out with him a few times that i can tell. with the opportunity to mention she was meeting him for a night out at the bars together ("i'd asked whatcha up to tonight?" she said "nothing. you?") she didn't mention this. i found this out later.

month 4 or so: she emails me saying she's going to a concert with "friends" until late, and then getting up at 5:30am to meet one of the friends for a charity event. turns out the "friend" is a guy she'd spoken well of and by name often. i thought it odd she referred to him vaguely as "friend" when i knew him by name, if not personally.

month 4 or 5: she says she's "coming over" for the night, but no definite time -will let me know. then emails and says "maybe staying home to clean, but will let you know". fine with me. i call later to find out which it'll be. no answer and no returned call. i call even later to find out if everythings alright. no answer, no returned call. the next day, she says she was staying with "friends" - never had "stayed over with friends", hasn't since, and had charged cel with her and never had problem walking the 3 blocks from her friends (girl-friend and girl-friend's beau's) back to her place, day or night, in the past.

for the first several months, almost invariably late by 10-45 min.. defensive when i finally asked if she could try to be better about that, calling me condescending and implying i was demanding.

was often suspicious that i was trying to "entrap" her when i asked her how she thought things were going with us before asking why she was so reticent about communicating some of the above things, including when she would be late and why she was reluctant to tell me who she was going out with.

she tended to get defensive about most things, be reluctant to apologize (for, e.g., being an hour late for something), and considered me mistrustful and overly angry. i did often get angry after months of such stuff, and raised my voice as the arguements about the above (and about "why all the arguements every time?") continued.

any thoughts or insights?

it would probably help to read the first post.

thanks.