Originally Posted by blue
i know this much.... i have had my round of shitty boyfirnds and the guy that i married was so emotionaly abbusive to me and physically, that in my next relationship i felt that i needed to be the bully the one control so wheni did loose some control felt the slightest vulberable i would loose it to the point where i could not control myself and this drove me to maddnes, so my insecurites made me mean, bitchy and just....i dont know i lost myself within all the abuse! Does this make sense? i have also had some issues in my life that made me feel that i needed to be tough because i did not ever want to be hurt again. The answer in all this is to seek help. thats what i did for a little while. but some how i had to let go, i had to find myself. i am at peace now but i will tell you that at times i am in the same place, but i have grown up alot, been thru alot and have figured out that theres a diiferent way for me to cope..for me to trust. its funny you know how some things can affect you. sometimes life leave scars, that make you forget.
Yes, what you have written makes much sense. I feel that she has pain from the past. I do, too. It seems my way is to just confront it in myself and be as honest as possible about it and try to address when I can - I like to change if I see some benefit. It seems hers is to find ways of justifying - she seems to see no reason to change as a result, many times. I always wanted the to work things out - for us to try to modify some things and understand some things in one another for the benefit of the relationship, and she seemed to see it as I wanted to manipulate HER. Very difficult.
I am getting help. Thank you for your suggestion. I am speaking with a counselor about how my anger had become and what might affect that in me. I would lke very much to become better, for me, for her. We shared a very special and deep passion, usually very good, but the times it was very bad were VERY bad.