It is a good question. I feel that my direct approach may have resulted in her defensiveness. I think it shut her down to listening. I also think the breakup was painful - for her as well - and that she has thought more about what she had to contribute to the bad things. Lastly, she has said she would agree to counseling, though that was before I finaly broke up with her the last time. She is not so agreeable to it now. However, I think that with an objective input from a counselor (versus from friends or family that do not know the story well enough, and may not be objective or honest with her anyhow), she may even better see how people see these things. The combination. If nothing else, I think I know better what influenced her defensiveness.