| Hmm, ill attempt to tackle this monstrosity of a story.
But first, story time:
Once when I was a young man, I fell hardcore for a girl that I knew in my heart that I loved dearly. She came to me for everything. The problem? She was to be married soon, and had no intentions or love for this guy.
Long story short, she felt forced into the relationship and marriage due to obligation and family promises/commitments....there's more to it, but needless to say, the got married, and then split less than a year later.
This whole time we remained in contact and always spoke. I was stationed over in Japan at the time, and we would talk for hours at the strangest times of the night.
But, there was a catch. I made the exact same vow that you did - never to get involved in the "relationship" aspect of her and her husband. No matter how much she came to me for help and guidance, I would NEVER talk to her about her husband/fiancé.
Why is that? Why do people make that decision? For those that don’t know, the best reason for this is very simple - If something ever happened between Him and Her, you would never want to go through life looking like or feeling like the one responsible for their breakup. It's a shitty "good guy/friend" position to take, but one that eventually makes you feel good in the end.
It's kind of a weird "karma" position to take as well. Sure, there are a million other bastard assholes out there that just love to swoop in and lay some broad who is in a position of weakness. But what's the challenge in that? For me, sex with someone you can't love is just sex. And I have had plenty of that. But love is not something you get everyday.
My advice to you?
As much as it sucks, and it pains you to see her with "It", I suggest you lay low and let her do her thing. The only thing you are accomplishing in this relationship is hurting yourself the more feelings you start to get for this girl. You need to back off a little bit. Become a bit more independent of her entirely.
Look for someone more attainable.
Trust me when I say this - Nothing sucks in life more than seeing the most wonderful girl in your life being treated poorly by some chump. I have seen this more than enough times, and every single time it sucked worse than the time before. But it is a simple fact of life.
You have to let her make her own decisions in life. If you try to force her out of this relationship, by your words OR your actions, it will only come back to make you feel worse in the end.
Let her find her own path, and hope that when this relationship ends, she finds you at the end of it.
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