Dear maverick,

You are young, yet life is short all the same. It is definitely too short to be without the one you love.

There are several avenues for you to take here, and I'm sure you've thought of them already. The standard is to leave her & her marriage alone. Be her friend, date others and maybe you'll discover that she isn't really The One afterall, assuming you believe such exists. Or wait for her to dissolve her marriage & then pursue her, but keep in mind this may never happen without a catalyst.

If you think there is reciprocity from her, then you have to sit down with her and clear the air. Honestly & completely. For everyone's sake: yours, hers, & her spouse. Don't beat around the bush: If she can't find the strength to do it, do it for her and don't let her off until you get some straight answers. If she is truly your friend (and esp if you are considering a longterm relationship w/her!) then there shouldn't be anything you can't say to each other. If thats a problem, then the relationship is doomed, no matter what form it takes.

What you do with your answer will then depend on her beliefs and yours about marriage, vows, commitment, love, life, and all those deep things that make us who we are. There is no real right or wrong answer, just what will make you & she happiest. If she leaves her spouse then, yes, this may make her spouse unhappy, but keep the longterm picture in mind. Will he be happy in 10 years w/a wife who may not love him? Or maybe you will agree to love one another, but as friends at some agreed-upon distance. This option can be painful, but is possible if treated honestly.

I would caution against an affair w/this lady. The self esteem of everyone will be affected and it will almost certainly affect any future relationship of hers or yours, together or otherwise. Honesty, tho sometimes painful, is really the only way to go on this one.

I'm assuming, of course, that you truly care for this woman & she for you. If you are merely playing, or are unsure what you want exactly from this lady then you are best to leave it alone until you DO know exactly what you want.

When you are old & gray, will you still ache for this lady? If so, you know what you need to do. Whatever happens, you will have closure, and will be free to live & move on as is best for you. Best wishes.