Hmmm... I think the both of you have your own issues. I dont think its just the guy here, he also stressed (if its true) that she doesnt put much effort into the relationship.
I think you do need to just take a deep breath.
Dont be in such a hurry. Shes 17 and probably isnt ready for married life anyway.
Also, realize that she is her own woman and that there isnt anything you can do to make her change. Actions speak louder than words. If she expresses she doesnt want to do anything for the relationship, then she doesnt.
I dont think youre as controlling as it sounds. I think you have some insecurities following you, and you need to learn to be ok with someone elses decisions.
You feel like only your decisions are the safe way to go... and it freaks you out when someone else disagrees but they arent always the safe way to go. You need to learn how to trust. She needs to learn to let go of fear.