Originally Posted by misombra
you don't really know judy anymore. she should be more of an image and memories in your mind at this point it's been so long. i think that there are circumstances where we just don't get to be with a person we're in love for whatever reason and we have to let them go and love them even though they're not there and try to make the best of our lives without them. we also tend to take for granted what we have, and it isn't until we lose them that we step back and realize how much we love them. think of all the great things your wife has done for you, other than giving you your children. she didn't walk away with your child (that she said was not yours) and marry some other person. that is terrible. i could never have a child with a man and not tell him that it was his. if i was a man and a woman did that to me i would probably never forgive her. i can't tell you what to decide, nobody can. it is completely up to you as much as it sucks.
Thanks
I know exactly what you're saying and that's what makes it ever more difficult....I just got back from a little league ball game with my youngest boy.....(I coach both their teams) and thought about how screwed up things would be if I went for this. Also, yes, my present wife has been there.....things have been rough, and I've wondered in the past if she was messing around on me, but, I'm a trusting man, I asked her, she said no, and that was that.
As for Judy.......yes, this whole dilema has ran through my mind countless times since finding out....how could she NOT tell me???? Her answer to that was she had heard that I was dating someone and serious with them and didn't want to mess that up for me/combined with the fact that apparently she had told her parents initially that it wasn't mine either. Apparently they agreed to let her move back home as long as she obeyed their rules......which was NO going out......."she was pregnant and didn't need to be going out" I was told.
Now the toughest part.......I now, all of a sudden have a son in college which I've never met. The way it sounds to me at this point, she doesn't want me to meet him unless I'm ready and willing to become his father too. She said she knows if I meet him, her husband will go nuts and want a divorce. (he apparently knows about this all too and has told her he will divorce her if she goes ahead with this. I don't think she's happy or has been for a long time....if ever.......
I fell like I've GOT to meet my son.......but she holds all the cards. I DO resent that and all the years I've missed. Judy's husband has nothing to do with this, neither does my wife, and I don't want to hurt either one of them.......but, I probably still love Judy more than anyone I've ever loved......I worked for years to "let it go" because I thought she had and we had no connection anymore.........now I know she never did let it go and was a confused, intimidated young lady when this all happened......She has also said that Jonathon (my son I've never met) does know about me. She told him after he turned 18 and it's their secret. He doesn't know who exactly or where I'm at.......but has seen my picture and knows I'm not far from where he grew up........
What in the world do I do???? On one hand, like you said in so many words, the grass always looks greener over there..........but by the same token.......I've missed the one person I truely loved for so long thinking I was a fool for feeling that way about her and now come to find out.......she's felt the same way and probably more so........
