Hi equazcion,

I like the way you think. You have apparently looked at it from what seems to be almost every angle. Incredibly analytical, it's like you're having a debate with yourself. I have a LOT to say regarding this situation.

The logical response does point (quite directly) at what you said you would tell someone else in your situation: that you need to get over this and move on. As you said, closure. But it is much, much different when you're the one in the situation. When you are the advice giver and the only subjectivity is from your affinity to the person you are giving advice to, the advice is apparent. Closure is what seems to be necessary.

At least, that's what would be logically said. Logic, what does that mean when applied to relationships and that enigma called love? Logic means reacting to situations in such a way that it hurts you the least, right? Closure is the response that corresponds to this, your mind thinks that this will hurt your heart less.

The question is, what are the consequences of closure? In essence, of giving up on this? I think the consequences are monumental, really. It is possible to block her out completely, to 'get over it' in the sense that the immediate sense of pain will eventually assuage. But with giving up comes the new pain; if you truly give up, then that opportunity (well, not much of an opportunity at the moment because she has a bf) is gone. And some opportunities... well, they go away if you don't take an attempt to snare it. Closure is only a compromise; you kill the pain that festers and builds with her absense, but a figment of pain is left trapped inside the heart coming with giving up on it. And that little pain doesn't go away, unless somehow a time comes where you have another shot at her... or if you find out she wasn't right in the first place and you have found a girl who was more right for you. Albeit for your situation, the way you describe her, can you believe the latter solution? Alas you never know if you'll meet someone with whom you connect with on a deeper level or who is an even better match, but there's a point to where you must ask, "Does it matter if I meet someone 'better'? Maybe she isn't THE 'perfect match', but she's as close as I'll ever get."

A deep probing of your most inner feelings to find an answer for this question... I think it's very important. If you think you can go on without her and won't settle for less... then I would agree with everyone else AND yourself; that closure is necessary to stop the internal bleeding that has been occurring for who knows how long now. If you think that she is it... then my answer is different. I'd say to wait it out, to see if things become stronger or crumble with her bf. Of course it is a bit cruel to wish that things crumble, especially with someone you care about so incredibly much. But if you feel that she is it, then... I think you need to stick with it. All or nothing, no settling. Or no settling unless it does become nothing for sure, I guess.

In the mind vs. heart battle, I'd say to go with the heart. More precisely, the gut. The gut feeling usually seems to be the best choice in terms of doing what YOU think is best for yourself. I'd say to try to get a feeling for that gut feeling.

And honestly, I think the gut feeling is telling you that you can't give up. At least not yet. You say that there's a "small place inside me where those silly, childish ideals I locked away, like hope, adventure, and LOVE, still have free reign. They're telling me to fight". The ideals aren't childish. They're not silly. In fact, they have such a presence that the debate on issues is usually whether to do what is 'logical' or to follow these ideals. Why lock away that ideal of love? So you're going to give up, and lock away that ideal? WHY? Because of LOGIC? Why buy into logic? Logic seems to try to stop or prevent pain, but what it also does is lock away those ideals forever. Ideals that may be the only key to true happiness.

If those ideals are telling you to fight, then I stand behind them and say the same. It's an uphill battle. There is pain before the happiness. But that is living life. The despair makes the euphoria ten-fold when it comes.

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