Part 2

Mindset

Once into the kiss, the proper mindset has a lot to do with successful kissing. Too often, the mind starts racing ahead, wondering where the kiss is leading, worrying if everything is going right, and basically messing things up. The single most important thing to remember is to ENJOY THE KISS. This is what it's all about... the simplest and greatest of pleasures, the soft friction, the tender wetness... kissing is great. Possibly the greatest. So enjoy it.

The best way to quiet the chattering brain is to simply concentrate on the moment of the kiss. Really feel what your mouths, lips, tongues, and bodies are doing. Kiss as if there is no moment outside of this, there are no people outside of the 2 of you. Trust us, your partner will be able to tell if you are really concentrating, and will appreciate it even if they aren't aware. Of course, kissing doesn't generally require the level of concentration necessary to bend spoons for example, and your partner may take that furrowed brow and bulging eyes as a sign you're not totally enjoying yourself. By concentration we mean really be INTO the kiss... don't be thinking about a lot of other stuff. Odds are, you've invested a lot of time and effort to get to this point... so ENJOY IT! Don't miss the moment... savor it.

Once you're really into a kiss, you're probably already working toward that middle ground. Depending on how they kiss, the situation, how you kiss, etc., there are lots of factors going on. Just work on adjusting yourself a bit to fit to their style, while helping them adjust to yours. Lead by example... heck, the braver amongst us could just tell their partner what they like (just be sure to do it in a positive manner, or you could really ruin the mood.) Do what you like, and if you like something, let them know it (see Feedback). If you don't reward the good and discourage the bad, how will they ever learn?


Kissing Exercise: One good way to help yourselves concentrate on the kiss is to try to read each other's thoughts (and not in a neurotic, annoying way) while kissing. Really try to see into your partner's mind, and attempt to make a connection. Don't necessarily expect to pick up images of the dog they had when they were three years old, but rather use this as a way to really concentrate on your partner. And the kiss.


Feedback

We can't possible stress enough the importance of feedback... both giving and receiving. Feedback will allow you to adjust your kissing to find that optimal middle ground that we're shooting for. Basically, all we're looking for is a little communication... usually non-verbal, since your lips and (probably) tongue are busy doing other things. As we all know, communication is VITAL to any relationship... and this certainly applies to the relationship formed when kissing. Give and take are important, so PAY ATTENTION.

It is the responsibility of both kissing partners to give and receive feedback during the course of a kiss. This could be changes in breathing (panting, deep breathes, gentle whispers), small noises (moans, sighs, groans), or any other way to let your partner they are doing something right... or wrong, for that matter. This can be a tricky area, since you should be nice and relaxed, really into the kiss, and yet able to interpret what your partner is telling you. When you are relaxed and enjoying the kissing, it's generally best to let your small noises, panting, etc. happen as it may. We certainly are not saying to make up feelings that aren't there in the first place, but by all means don't hold back with those that are! As always, adjust this advice according to setting and situation.

Picking up and interpreting your partner's feedback is just as important as being free with your own. If their breathing changes, they make contented little sighs, or anything that sounds encouraging, be aware of what you're doing at that time and either do it more or come back to it. If they happen to turn a light shade of blue and all panting ceases, then it might be time to ease off and allow some of what we call "breathing time." Kissing is for the both of you... which means you've got to do at least as much to please your partner as to please yourself. It's a tricky balance of giving and accepting pleasure... but with practice (especially with that special someone) it will become easier and easier.

Breathing and Breath

When kissing, there is always one simple rule that must be obeyed: Remember to breathe!!! Oxygen, you may have noticed, plays a fairly important part in this whole "living" thing, so it probably shouldn't be neglected. Really good kisses, however, have the tendency to make one forget all that, as you'd rather keep kissing than take a break for stupid air. Rest assured, breathe a little now, and your kissing will go on a lot longer.

The actual mechanics of breathing during kissing are up to various interpretations. Sometimes you can just rely on the old nose to do its duty, and breath through that. Sometimes (cold and flu season, for example), that's just not possible. Then it's time to get creative. As with everything else, it works out best if you can work it into the flow of the kiss. This is a great opportunity to give some feedback while taking care of your oxygen needs. Just take a break to pant a bit, or kiss their neck, or do a little 'lip dancing'... anything to break the seal of a deep kiss and fill those lungs. Breathing is important, so don't forget it.

Bad Breath, the Bane of Kissing

Of course, the downside of breathing is... Bad Breath. Bad breath has been the bane of kissing for as long as kissing has existed. At the very basic level, bad breath is caused by bacteria and other nasties that grow in your mouth... eliminate these, and you stand a good chance of eliminating bad breath. Luckily, there are many, many ways these days to conquer this scourge of romance.

The first, and easiest, way to ensure nice breathe is regular tooth brushing. This is a daily habit you should have gotten into when you were about 3 years old... if you didn't, then get into it now! There is no place in our society for those who don't brush your teeth. Next in line is brushing's cousin, flossing. This is a little harder to get to, but equally important. This is also the sort of activity that will ensure you still have teeth when you're 68 years old. Dentures are NOT a barrier to kissing... but wouldn't you rather just take care of your real teeth now?

Once daily maintenance is out of the way, it's on to washes, mints, and sprays. There are literally dozens of minty-tasting ways to ensure good breath... a quick trip to your local drugstore or health-and-beauty department will provide you with all you need. Breath improvers can be mints, minty sprays, mint drops, mouth wash, pills you swallow, even special toothpaste. Each of these work in their own special way, and have positive and negative aspects.

Mints: The most basic of all breath fresheners, the mint has been around for a very long time. They come in bags, tins, rolls... just about every size and shape imaginable. They are generally easy to use, discreet, and work about as well as anything... depending on the brand. buy some now

Sprays: Breath sprays generally come in tiny little aerosol cans, and are sprayed directly into the mouth when needed. They can be VERY minty, but can definitely have a smarmy connotation. Think about every movie you've seen when someone 'spritzes' their mouth right before they kiss... looks pretty cheezy, doesn't it? So much so, it's a cliché. If you can avoid this problem (do it in private or when no one's looking), or just don't care, this could be for you. buy some now

Mouth Wash: A vital part of many people's daily mouth ritual, mouth wash can also help fight cavities, gingivitis, tartar... all that lovely stuff they always talk about on commercials. Mouth wash is more of a preventative measure than a regular upkeep solution (how often do you carry around a bottle of mouthwash?), but definitely has a place in oral hygiene. buy some now

Pills: A fairly new addition to the fresh-breath arsenal, pills you swallow work by eliminating any odors coming from your stomach. They can be very effective if you've eaten something offensive (such as garlic), but don't do much about mouth-related stench.


Bonus Tip: A more effective way to test your breath than the old "breathe in the hand" trick is to lick the back of your hand, then sniff that. Since bad breathe is caused by the stuff floating around in your mouth anyway, this gives a more realistic gauge of where you rank on the halitosis scale.

__________________
BACAMO