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Lion-Guy
23-11-05, 01:42 PM
-People are not going to want to write post and share their stories when comments such as those by user "Tone" are shared on this forum.

-Please read his comments on this post: http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=10561&page=1&pp=15

Tone writes: "If you weren't so self-centered you could easily search this forum for stories and advice on how other people went through this. Cause let's be honest - what you're going through is nothing new"


-What good is it to simply read other's stories? It is much better to post your own stories and questions. Every relationship and break is unique in it own. While there are always universal themes, there is are distinct differences that are worth discussion. New post help build community among the members and increase useage on this site.

-Comments such as "Tone's" will hinder these meaningful discussions.

-Please advise.

Junsui
23-11-05, 01:49 PM
I think in the Rules/Guidelines of LF, the first one is Search: Do a search . The question you want to ask may have recently been answered.

Yes, there maybe some differences in breakups, but usually the advice is the same. Just lettin ya know. ;)

RSK
23-11-05, 01:59 PM
You must be JOKING!

Tone is a great person and poster. Don't you dare test his character. He plays a big role on LF.


In a way - Tone is right. If people use the search function, then perhaps they'd find answers! In fact, a Mod here - CYBORG - has said the exact same thing - to USE THE SEARCH FUNCTION - that's what it's for!


Please don't attack Tone. A lot of people here like him. In fact, I don't know anybody who doesn't.


I understand your anger - but directing it toward ONE person is WRONG. Did you know that Tone at least responds to posts (unlike 100's of other people who just read and don't say a word, or give their thoughts).

There are more people like Tone. Whaywardj comes to mind. But I do not want to stop there...Independent, misombra, shh!, Junsui, Lloyd, Rosebud, Asip4u, and so many others that contribute, and make this forum possible.

indigosoul
23-11-05, 02:25 PM
Well, a couple of comments on this thread:

1. For the LF crowd: Many of you need to learn the difference between someone attacking an idea vs. a person. The original posters comments were arguing against Tone's COMMENTS, not Tone. There's a big difference. I read nothing to indicate he was being personally attacked. If you don't yet know how to seperate the two, you need to think on this a little more. For example: I never tell my son HE is a bad boy, tho I do sometimes tell him he has done a bad THING. He's only six, and he understands the difference, BTW.

2. For the poster: I largely agree w/you. This is a free forum. If ppl find your post too trival, then they simply don't have to answer. Or they can quickly direct you to do a search (as Tone did) or provide a link. Since I agree w/you, that every case is unique, you should probably then ask a SPECIFIC question that is specific to your case. I'm sure you'll get lots of helpful responses then.

Good luck!

RSK
23-11-05, 02:38 PM
Well, a couple of comments on this thread:

1. For the LF crowd: Many of you need to learn the difference between someone attacking an idea vs. a person. The original posters comments were arguing against Tone's COMMENTS, not Tone. There's a big difference. I read nothing to indicate he was being personally attacked. If you don't yet know how to seperate the two, you need to think on this a little more. For example: I never tell my son HE is a bad boy, tho I do sometimes tell him he has done a bad THING. He's only six, and he understands the difference, BTW.

2. For the poster: I largely agree w/you. This is a free forum. If ppl find your post too trival, then they simply don't have to answer. Or they can quickly direct you to do a search (as Tone did) or provide a link. Since I agree w/you, that every case is unique, you should probably then ask a SPECIFIC question that is specific to your case. I'm sure you'll get lots of helpful responses then.

Good luck!

Your post is sensible, and makes sense...

...i just have a problem, that the OP used Tone as an example. so many people do what Tone did ---> INCLUDING CYBOG!!!

why did the OP use Tone's name, and then, hyphenate it?

I guess i'm taking it too personally...but the OP should've left Tone out of it, or simply PM'd him directly.

Junsui
23-11-05, 09:40 PM
He's only six, and he understands the difference, BTW.



Awww, I'm dumber than a 6 year old. :sad2:

Tone
23-11-05, 10:16 PM
I even said "It might be harsh but it's the truth"

You big cry baby.

No wonder your g/f dumped you.

Junsui
23-11-05, 10:18 PM
lol Tone. :baby:

TAVS
23-11-05, 10:44 PM
I will refrain from comment on grounds that I'll get gang banged

Tone
23-11-05, 11:27 PM
Truth hurts sometimes.

Junsui
23-11-05, 11:31 PM
That's why you can hide from it through denial (among many other ways).

Tone
23-11-05, 11:47 PM
Yup, but the most common response is to get real defensive. Hey we've all been there.

Back on topic:

Listen here Walt Disney - you may not have liked what I had to say - but it was the honest truth. And if you weren't so busy thinkin I just hurt your feelings and think about what I said - you would see it would actually HELP you. I say similair things to people all the time - that there is TON of GREAT advice, knowledge, and experiences dispersed throughout various threads on this forum. Obviously people aren't going to want to type out word for word every time someone has a breakup - so that's why I suggested searching out some threads to find others who have dealt with what you're dealing with, so you can obtain MORE knowledge and advice on how to deal. The reason I included the fact you were being "self-centered" on the forum is cause it's true - you have now started multiple threads on the same issue when it's clear you did absolutely no searching. Maybe if I just called you "lazy" it wouldn't have hit the nerve as bad?

Anyways, in summary: Get over it.

P.S.>> Thanks RK and Junsui for havin my back.

Rosebud
24-11-05, 05:41 AM
Indigo- I think people are quick to insult as well sometimes and maybe people shouldn't post anything when that happens, but that's why LF is so great! Because you can say how you feel. You will not always agree with everyone else and sometimes it's being harsh that actually gets through to the person. But people ahve their own responses to things that are happening.. I agree some things should not be said but Tone's response was not one of them.

I don't think there was anything wrong with Tone said. And I think there are a lot of things people can learn from reading all the threads on this forum. It's people thinking their own situation is totally different when it may be, but the advice they are asking for is always the same...so why not read some threads and answer the questions yourself. Not to mention if they don't get an answer they post multiple threads of the same thing which is flat out annoying!

shh!
24-11-05, 05:50 AM
On the other hand, if there were never any new threads because all of the advise truly HAS been given already, what would we regulars talk about?

Junsui
24-11-05, 06:35 AM
Gangs, of course!

indigosoul
24-11-05, 07:51 AM
Awww, I'm dumber than a 6 year old. :sad2:

Awwww... LOL!!

Well, he's a VERY bright 6 year old, Junsui.
;)

indigosoul
24-11-05, 08:02 AM
Indigo- I think people are quick to insult as well sometimes and maybe people shouldn't post anything when that happens, but that's why LF is so great! Because you can say how you feel. You will not always agree with everyone else and sometimes it's being harsh that actually gets through to the person. But people ahve their own responses to things that are happening.. I agree some things should not be said but Tone's response was not one of them.

I don't think there was anything wrong with Tone said. And I think there are a lot of things people can learn from reading all the threads on this forum. It's people thinking their own situation is totally different when it may be, but the advice they are asking for is always the same...so why not read some threads and answer the questions yourself. Not to mention if they don't get an answer they post multiple threads of the same thing which is flat out annoying!

Hey RB, I'm not sure how much of your post was general or how much directed to me (it seemed a mixture), so I'll clarify:

I never said I had a problem w/Tones post. Nor did I comment one way or the other on whether it was insulting to the OP. In fact, I believe it was (I think he called him "self centred" and a couple of other things). My post had nothing to do w/that, however.

The OP was complaining in THIS post about the insult not really contributing to the discussion. Some LFers interpreted that, falsely, as a personal attack on Tone. I was trying to demonstrate the difference. In fact, I thought the poster was being extremely careful with their language NOT to do so. He only commented on the post and idea and how it might, for some, scare them off. Which I agree with.

Flame away. Free speech and all. And in that spirit, if I happen to feel that the person isn't really being helped by it and that its being done maliciously (which I don't believe was the case for Tone), I will help by pointing it out. Which can be ignored in the same spirit, etc... Some ppl DO deserve it.
;)

Rosebud
24-11-05, 08:31 AM
I wasn't disagreeing or trying to flame you in any way. I'm sorry for not clarifying my response more but I was just saying I agree with you when you said people are quick to insult others on here. The rest of my post was IMO.

I wasn't trying to say you were wrong or the original poster was wrong. I understand the point he was trying to make and I was just adding what I thought also affected that. But I think if you re-read the full post that Tone made, he makes very good sense. He wasn't trying to insult he was stating his opinion on the poster's actions. I'm sorry if you felt what I said was directed at you.

whaywardj
24-11-05, 08:40 AM
Since the initial poster could have made his point perfectly WITHOUT referencing a specific member, Indigosoul, I have to disagree with you. The post was personal. On the other hand, if Lion-Guy is going to be so thin skinned about people's opinions on what he says, he probably should not be foraging around places where anyone is likely to express them.

indigosoul
24-11-05, 04:01 PM
Since the initial poster could have made his point perfectly WITHOUT referencing a specific member, Indigosoul, I have to disagree with you. The post was personal. On the other hand, if Lion-Guy is going to be so thin skinned about people's opinions on what he says, he probably should not be foraging around places where anyone is likely to express them.

OK, noted. Tone flames OP, OP comes back w/personal complaint. Sounds like one each by your count. Without any additional data (the OP seems to have disappeared), either interpretation stands. And I think the point has been made.

whaywardj
24-11-05, 10:46 PM
Actually, Indigo, I think the OP was more miffed at Tone's "self-centered" remark than anything else and was reacting to that.

Lion-Guy
25-11-05, 01:16 PM
I just meant to say that as a new user, Tone's types of comments will cause people to not want to use these forums. It was in no way an attack on Tone himself. That is why I said "-Comments such as "Tone's" will hinder these meaningful discussions. " Key words "comments such as".

Sorry if I offended anyone or Tone.

For your knowledge I did search the forums before making my post. In fact, a took several hours to read through old post, trying to find ones that I felt were similar to my situation. Later I decided to make my own post. Partly because I wanted support and advice.

If any of you felt that my questions and post were too universal and contained repeated themes, wouldn't it be better to just ignore the post and not comment at all. I mean, the great people on this site preach about NO CONTACT, so why not use the same concept when you come across a post that bothers you?


Thank you Indigosoul for understanding what I was trying to accomplish.

Thanks for everyones comments and support these past few weeks. I decided to retire from using these forums. Tone you have accomplished your goal. Congratulations! I don't think I fit in here. Take care everyone. :(

Tone
25-11-05, 01:59 PM
Weak.

Ciao you big baby.

Tone
25-11-05, 02:45 PM
Also, second of all - so that I'm not misunderstood here - OF COURSE we need people to share their story. I have no problem with people sharing their story.

The reason I commented to Mufasa here the way I did was because he was making MULTIPLE threads about his SAME story asking questions on things he could easily look up. Find his first thread he made, I was nice to him. Just to set things straight.

indigosoul
26-11-05, 08:13 AM
Also, second of all - so that I'm not misunderstood here - OF COURSE we need people to share their story. I have no problem with people sharing their story.

The reason I commented to Mufasa here the way I did was because he was making MULTIPLE threads about his SAME story asking questions on things he could easily look up. Find his first thread he made, I was nice to him. Just to set things straight.

Its all cool w/me. I think this thread should've died several posts back. Namaste to all.