why does he flirt? [Archive] - Love Forum - Online Relationship Discussion

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ardenz
23-05-06, 05:20 AM
i have a bf of 7 years. we do not live together. he's always been very possesive form the onset. he dislikes it if i were to wear 'revealing' clothes, hates it if i were to hang out with my friends, constantly suspicious of other guys in my life etc. etc. so basically i've been cut off from the rest of the 'world'. honestly i do not know what made me tolerate him this long but i guess its cos he's very nice to me and we do have very good times together.

despite us being together for so long, he'd still wanna meet me everyday and tells me he loves me etc. i've not noticed any change in his attitude towards me. what's puzzling me is that, recently i found out that he's been flirting big time behind my back. he portrays tat he's single and chats up gals ever so flirtatiously. he's not aware tat i know about this. and i've not 'confronted' him about it either as i mean, his attitude towards me hasnt changed for me to be suspicious of anything. he's a fitness teacher in a school. recently the school server crashed - he was flirting with his student and the msg to the student got sent to the whole school instead. so basically the whole school knows of his flirtatious ways. oh and he doesnt tell the school that he's attached. i got this from his students' (18-20 year olds) blogs. well they also wrote about how hot he is and some do wanna his attention by flirting. he seems to lap all this up and that riles me. i mean here he is being mr all-possesive with me, cutting off my ties with all guys yet behind me, he's happily effing around. i've not confronted him as i dunno if theres actually a need? am i overeacting? why the hell does he flirt anyway? it makes me feel cheated and shortchanged for accomodating his possesiveness in this reltionship.

vashti
23-05-06, 05:33 AM
He sounds like a bastard. What is the reason you keep him around? I don't believe you can't do better.

BlackPetal
23-05-06, 06:15 AM
Do you feel that your relationship with him is getting dull? My way of interpreting him is that he is feeling bored with you for 7 years now and he wants some excitement outside of you.

ardenz
23-05-06, 10:46 AM
personally i sometimes do get bored of always just meeting him. but for him, he doesnt seem to get tired of meeting me. he'd make it a point for us to have dinner together every day after work altho he has to drive like a half hour just to meet me each day and half hour back home. His energy sometimes impresses me..i mean after 7 years, he is still so enthusiastic about meeting..even i'm kinda tired to meet up with him at times.

so i dunno...if he makes the effort to call me, have dinner with me every day without fail, then it doesnt seem to me like he's bored. Correct me if i'm wrong here guys?. So then what i cant fathom is that, why is he flirting?

i dunno what to do now. i've actually landed myself in a deep rut. 7 years of my youth wasted. i started dating him at 19. i'm now 26. he's 27. i lost a lot of friends over the 7 years and for me to walk away now from this relationship, its gonna be very difficult starting my social life again from square 1. i know i sound very pathetic. thats why sometimes i reflect and feel that i am really one silly dumbass. perhaps now i should really do something about tis?

vashti
23-05-06, 11:19 AM
So what... do you plan to spend another 7 wasting your youth before you decide to take action? You are still young, but you will be less so in 7 years.

It sounds to me like you keep him out of habit.

ardenz
23-05-06, 11:34 AM
hmm ok so from your male's perspective, you are saying that he's not worth to keep becos of all tat flirting he's done?

a fren was saying to me that "its just harmless flirting..what can he possibly do with other gals if he's meeting you everyday". in a sense thats true but i dunno perhaps one fine day the flirting will end up to be cheating.:( this is whats making me confused....

vashti
23-05-06, 12:41 PM
Ha! I see now that this is posted in the "ask a male" forum, but I am not male. (note pink bunny avatar.) I don't know why they added separate forums. Everyone who has been around for any length of time looks at (and answers) anything.

Anyway, I haven't really got a problem with innocent flirting. It is his alienating you from people that bothers me the most, especially when he doesn't feel inclined to hold himself to the same standards.

xd3vilx
23-05-06, 05:04 PM
One Simple Advice, If you are not happy with that is happening now...

2choice:
1)Break up
2)Waste another few more years of your life for nothing...

Dalagonash
24-05-06, 01:48 AM
He flirts...

BECAUSE HE CAN.

Slasherz
24-05-06, 02:03 AM
Dump him
He's an arse...
Dont waste time on him.

miffi01
24-05-06, 01:45 PM
Dump him
He's an arse...
Dont waste time on him.

AGREED!!! :)

Illusional
24-05-06, 01:54 PM
confront him about it. a relationship should never be one sided. why give everything only to get slapped right back in the face? hey, if you're into that sorta shit, then stay in the relationship, but if you're not willing to talk to him and try to change him, then you're gonna suffer.

raverboy

Gigabitch
25-05-06, 01:40 AM
Imagine you had a daughter, and her bf was treating her this way.

What would you tell her?

Illusional
26-05-06, 12:31 PM
...if "I" had a daughter??

raverboy

kai
26-05-06, 01:17 PM
he can flirt and u don't?

Wat the f*ck he thinks of himself

Acc to me he has made ur life hell

U still have the time . Ur still young . You can get any guy u want ;)

ardenz
29-05-06, 05:08 PM
thanks for all your advice....u know something...i found out that he really cheated on me with his student. sad to say, when i confronted him he didnt even have the decency to admit his mistake instead blaming me for going off effing around with some guy (i was away on travel for two weeks due to work). He said he never wanted me to leave on trips without him and he said i must have done something with some guy there. He's blaming me for him cheating on me. But he was already in contact with that gal way before i left for my trip. When i pointed that out to him, he said thats cos i had planned my trip since last year. Is this fair? Its so so sad. My heart just broke to pieces. 7 years i put up with him, yet this is what happened in the end. Its like all my efforts have gone to waste and all my dreams were shattered.

Friends have all told me to move on but its just so very painful and difficult. I cant sleep at nite and i think about how i've been lied to and it hurts so bad. He's been trying to call me like every hour and sending me msgs asking me for forgiveness and telling me not to be rash to give 7 years up. Please advise me how do i get rid of this pain in my heart. Thanks. :(