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lissa
31-07-06, 01:31 PM
I have a crush on a guy with whom I'm involved in a community service type activity. I seriously think he likes me, we flirt all the time, he jokingly tells me he loves me and wants to marry me, everyone around us is annoyed at our lovey dovey-ness.

Here's the awful catch... I just found out he's 19. I'm 24. He graduated high school a year ago and I graduated college two years ago! We are in totally different places in our lives.

It sucks though because we are a good match, we are both zany and have a great time together. Should I back off? Should I just go with it and hope to have some short term fun, nothing serious? Or do you think there is a possibility this could work? I guess he must be much less mature than me, I just haven't seen that side of him yet. I thought he was like 22 or something until last week. :(

daletom
31-07-06, 02:30 PM
For starters I'd guess that he's flattered by his ability to attract the attention of an "older woman" and he's doing his best to impress you with his maturity. That's not really a bad thing, by the way.


. . . do you think there is a possibility this could work? I don't really know what you mean by that.

Are you hoping this turns into a serious relationship? Yes, I think it could work! As you grow older a 5-year age difference is less significant - I wouldn't encourage you if it was, say 16 and 21. But you'll have to approach it as a long-term project from the very start, and definitely not rush things. I suspect it will take several months of dating before you have a good understanding of how significant the age difference is, and how much your maturity levels differ. The real problem is probably not the age or maturity differences per se, but rather the fact that you two are at very different points in your life paths. For example, I think there would be a better chance of establishing a serious, stable relationship if you were still in college. (And if it REALLY works out and you become life partners, are you ready for his always being able to refer to you - accurately - as "My old lady."?)

Or are you actually looking for a short-term, casual sex fling? I think you could do some real damage to him. He will almost certainly attach more significance and seriousness to the sex than you do. Somewhere between a third and half the guys his age are still virgins. Even guys want to have an emotional attachment, or will quickly develop an emotional attachment, to their first sex partners! In my opinion it would be at the very least disrespectful to draw him into a physical relationship that you intend to be strictly no-strings-attached.

NeoSeminole
31-07-06, 03:47 PM
19 yrs old isn't exactly a little boy. If you were attracted to him before you found out his age, then I don't see why it makes a difference now. You were obviously drawn to him for a reason. It would have been a problem if he was, say 17, b/c then he would be a minor. I've noticed that guys tend to mature quicker than girls after 18. I think you should give him a chance.

King Zarathu
31-07-06, 10:03 PM
I don't think 19 is too young to be dating a 24 year old, even though there's a maturity difference. I say go for it.

vashti
31-07-06, 11:04 PM
I've noticed that guys tend to mature quicker than girls after 18. .

Hahahahhahaha! Good one!

King Zarathu
01-08-06, 12:37 AM
Repz0rz for you, vashti. :)

vashti
01-08-06, 12:50 AM
Damn! What is going on with my rep points? I had 80-something yesterday! This is getting to be embarrassing. Maybe it is broken.

Ellynn
01-08-06, 02:18 AM
The only way I could think of it being a problem is if you like to go out to the bars alot. Then, it might present a problem. Seeing as he cannot really go to bars at all, then that could cause some problems. I mean he could get a fake, but I hear they really crack down on that now. So, honestly not worth going thru all that hassel.

Another problem may be when he turns 21. I mean by that time you'll be like 26 and been there and done that, where the bars will be new to him. So, that could cause another conflict.

Other then that, I don't see a problem. If you honestly like him and want to give it a shot, I say go for it.

Junket
01-08-06, 03:32 AM
I have a crush on a guy with whom I'm involved in a community service type activity. I seriously think he likes me, we flirt all the time, he jokingly tells me he loves me and wants to marry me, everyone around us is annoyed at our lovey dovey-ness.

Here's the awful catch... I just found out he's 19. I'm 24. He graduated high school a year ago and I graduated college two years ago! We are in totally different places in our lives.

It sucks though because we are a good match, we are both zany and have a great time together. Should I back off? Should I just go with it and hope to have some short term fun, nothing serious? Or do you think there is a possibility this could work? I guess he must be much less mature than me, I just haven't seen that side of him yet. I thought he was like 22 or something until last week. :(
I say give him a chance!

Only because I'm in a similar situation...

Steven715
01-08-06, 04:21 AM
I don't think 19 is too young to be dating a 24 year old, even though there's a maturity difference. I say go for it.
I was going to say the same thing i dont think that is a big diffrence even for todays couples

Miler
01-08-06, 05:54 AM
Then, it might present a problem. Seeing as he cannot really go to bars at all, then that could cause some problems. I mean he could get a fake, but I hear they really crack down on that now. So, honestly not worth going thru all that hassel.

Not sure how stringent they are in the states, but provided "lissa" carries ID proving she is 24, then it's likely that he could blag his way anyway. ie, "forgot it"

Gigabitch
01-08-06, 07:52 AM
Give him a shot. 19 is old enough to find creative ways to make you forget the age difference.

blacksun
01-08-06, 09:04 AM
Not sure how stringent they are in the states, but provided "lissa" carries ID proving she is 24, then it's likely that he could blag his way anyway. ie, "forgot it"

Ive never had any luck with that ive always been stopped at the door and told to go home but thats never stopped me from trying

daletom
02-08-06, 01:37 PM
The only way I could think of it being a problem is if you like to go out to the bars alot. Then, it might present a problem. Seeing as he cannot really go to bars at all . . . You mean - they would have to relate to each other as sober, thinking people? Without using alcohol as a catalyst? WOW - what an original idea!

p.s. - Maybe you're too young to recall - didn't Wisconsin used to allow 19 year olds to get beer and most wine? When I was in college, some of the guys would make weekend runs to Hurley, Wisconsin (about 125 mi each way, as I recall) so they could drink in a night-club setting without always watching over their shoulders.

p.p.s. - No you've got me thinking back to those days - Which brand of malt beverage used to advertise itself as "The beer that made Milwaukee famous!"?

Ellynn
02-08-06, 03:11 PM
You mean - they would have to relate to each other as sober, thinking people? Without using alcohol as a catalyst? WOW - what an original idea!

p.s. - Maybe you're too young to recall - didn't Wisconsin used to allow 19 year olds to get beer and most wine? When I was in college, some of the guys would make weekend runs to Hurley, Wisconsin (about 125 mi each way, as I recall) so they could drink in a night-club setting without always watching over their shoulders.

p.p.s. - No you've got me thinking back to those days - Which brand of malt beverage used to advertise itself as "The beer that made Milwaukee famous!"?


Hey, Im not a big drinker. I've been there and done that. Just wasn't sure what she was into. If she is, that could cause a conflict.

As for getting beer at 19, that was before my days. I couldn't legally drink until Sept. of 2002 on my 21st bday. But, of course we had our ways of getting around that illegally before that But, of course, thats usually when it was more fun.

As for the beer that made Milwaukee famous, isn't that Miller? I remember going on a Miller brewery tour in grade school. The chaperons got a glass of the good stuff while they gave us soda. Now thinking back, what a field trip for young people! Oh yeah and now they also make "Milwaukee's best" beer. But honestly, I just stick to Miller. Its better in my opinon. :)

lissa
04-08-06, 03:00 PM
Thanks for all the replies everyone.

The bars thing is actually a really good point as my social life tends to depend on that somewhat. Not because my friends and I have to go out and get wasted all the time, but because we just tend to meet up and hang out in bars to be around other people out age and have fun. But it could be worked around.

Today he asked me if I had a boyfriend and then asked if he could call me sometime. So cute! He is adorable and I'm going to take it slow and see if things could work. Although that virgin thing scares me a little. Not sure if I'm ready to devirginize a guy.

Oh well, I'm not going to freak out over it at this point. But it's good to know that this situation isn't totally out of the question. Thanks!

b*tch
04-08-06, 04:32 PM
I have a crush on a guy with whom I'm involved in a community service type activity. I seriously think he likes me, we flirt all the time, he jokingly tells me he loves me and wants to marry me, everyone around us is annoyed at our lovey dovey-ness.

Here's the awful catch... I just found out he's 19. I'm 24. He graduated high school a year ago and I graduated college two years ago! We are in totally different places in our lives.

It sucks though because we are a good match, we are both zany and have a great time together. Should I back off? Should I just go with it and hope to have some short term fun, nothing serious? Or do you think there is a possibility this could work? I guess he must be much less mature than me, I just haven't seen that side of him yet. I thought he was like 22 or something until last week. :(

LISSA,

I didn't see a prob when a guy is younger than a woman. It is how he handles maturity not of number but on how he deals with it.

I could exactly forsee that your relationship will work incase it will lead to it.

Have in mind that age is not a number...

GOODLUCK to both of you... GOD BLESS!

Junket
04-08-06, 11:35 PM
Not sure if I'm ready to devirginize a guy.
Don't worry, we don't bleed.

daletom
08-08-06, 01:28 PM
Not sure if I'm ready to devirginize a guy. Don't worry, we don't bleed. Not where it shows . . .

Henry123
15-08-06, 06:45 AM
Don't worry, we don't bleed.
Lol! Very funny! :D

Renu
15-08-06, 04:43 PM
it will be a good experience for the guy!!
my first girllfriend whas 5 years older than me she was 20
she gave me my first sexual experience
depends on hoh young the guy is
if he is "22" hell will most probably dump you
hes just whants new experience men lie do not trust him!
i tell all my g/f i love them
they all belive me
i lie to them all
run away from him

lissa
30-08-06, 12:03 AM
Our common activity we were involved in ended over a week ago but we have talked almost everyday since. Last night we went to the movies and kissed. It was sweet and I can't help but feel butterflies when I look at him or even just think of him. I can't remember the last time I felt this way about someone, but it feels really good.

However, a new problem has arisen. My friends are COMPLETELY against it (well my close friends at least). If I'm out and I start to call him or something they start lecturing me and telling me that he's too young, that it's just wrong to be dating someone who is 19, that I should look for older guys not younger. I'm going to ignore them since they haven't met him and don't really know the situation. However, it does worry me a little bit because I do want my friends support. I want everyone to get along and to not have to hide this.

He's kind of shy so I'm worried that he might be intimidated by my friends and they won't really like him. I guess it's too soon to be worrying about this. So for now I'm going to ignore them.

Just wanted to give an update and see if anyone has any thoughts.

Thanks for all the help everyone has given me thus far!

Junket
30-08-06, 01:10 AM
Now, while I'm not one to recommend completely disregarding outside input, sometimes you have to be selective on who's advice you're willing to acknowledge.

Sometimes friends and family do have worthwhile advice.

But then again, sometimes they don't.

Just keep doin' what you're doin', use your head, and do your best to keep it level. But keep your ears open.

TDurden
31-08-06, 01:50 PM
you're friends don't sound very nice. but that's beside the point, i say just keep it up and ignore them. if they become really aggressive about it then you have an issue. until then just play it off.

Gigabitch
01-09-06, 03:35 AM
Do your friends have to travel in a pack? I'm thinking you could let your very nicest, most understanding friend meet him, and maybe she could be the Goodwill Ambassador to the group.

lissa
01-09-06, 09:36 AM
Sigh thanks everyone. It may not even matter anymore. Posted a new thread...

lin
13-09-06, 08:28 AM
"The only way I could think of it being a problem is if you like to go out to the bars alot. Then, it might present a problem. Seeing as he cannot really go to bars at all, then that could cause some problems. I mean he could get a fake, but I hear they really crack down on that now. So, honestly not worth going thru all that hassel.

Another problem may be when he turns 21. I mean by that time you'll be like 26 and been there and done that, where the bars will be new to him. So, that could cause another conflict."

If they were in the UK this would be no problem ... the legal drinking age is 18 . I was in Bars most nights from 16 .

I think the age difference is pretty small anyway . Go on , go for it :)

Junket
13-09-06, 10:48 AM
Where is this thread you speak of?

Gigabitch
14-09-06, 03:47 AM
Where is this thread you speak of?

It's the "He's just not that into you" thread.

Or maybe the one about drunk-dialing. I guess they both apply.

Junket
14-09-06, 06:39 AM
Eh, whatever.

My interest is gone.