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chockies
17-12-06, 01:24 PM
Hi, I just had a fight with a guy and am confused..
well, I have been away from his town for a month because of my family matter.
I told him that I would go back to his town weeks ago but I have kept changing my plan and extended my stay three times.. (I am here to look after my family)
He said "don't worry about me" "I'm just wishing that you were here" and stuff like that. But last nite,when I told him that I wouldn't be able to go back yet, he finally had a fit. the thing is I don't understand why he is upset as we are casually dating. I mean, I would understand his anger if we are boyfriend and girlfriend.. but he never said he loved me...

we have been dating for a year. we have sex, we see each other at least twice a week, and talk on the phone 3times a day....he treats me well but never showed his affection...
he usually picks up a phone but this morning he didn't but sent me emails.. he said "ignore me and stay there as long as you need to". I thought that he didn't want to see me anymore so I asked him if I would be able to see him again and he said"I will see you" so, i guess he will see me.. but what 's in his mind? he doesn't say he loves me but he's upset because I won't be back.
thanks for reading..

Gigabitch
17-12-06, 01:48 PM
He sounds like another one of those shut-down guys who can't show emotion. That doesn't mean he's not feeling it. Look, some guys have a really hard time with this and see expressions of affection as a specifically female arena.

You say he treats you well, and he's clearly doing his best to give you the time you need to deal with your family stuff, but to me it sounds like he's missing the hell out of you.

Having been together for this long, I'm wondering why you haven't cemented your relationship more. Has he been setting the tone, here, or is it possible that he feels that crowding you might result in losing you? What's your relationship like? Details, please.

BabyLamb
17-12-06, 02:12 PM
Tell him "I miss you too.. I wish I could hold you right now but I can't get away from this... "

chockies
17-12-06, 03:55 PM
thanks for your replies. sigh...I'm so down..
I met him on a forum(general talks) a year ago. From the very beginning he's been very nice to me and said that he was attracted to me. After we met 4times, he asked me if I wanted to have sex with him.(I told him that I liked him)
so we had sex..after 2months later, he went back to his country for 3weeks. and while he was there, he called me and emailed me almost every day and he asked me for my photos every single day. but I couldn't ask him how he think of me because he once said "if you ever have sex with someone, can you tell me?" so I realized that we were just sex-friends. it was 8months ago... but we have been dating and spend most of the time together since last year. he bought me an expensive birthday present and we went on trips 3times.and we are planing to go overseas soon.
2months ago he once asked me if I would be worried if he saw his girl-friend.
When I don't reply to his calls, he sends me an email asking if I'm not keen to talk to him and I write "why not? I like you" to him but he doesn't reply to that email.
he says he likes sex and he talks about it a lot. So, I sometimes wonder if he only wants to have sex with me but we have seen each other without sex many times and since I met him last month , I don't think he had sex with anyone else as he always called me and if he did I know he would have told me as he once did long long time ago.

anachronistic
17-12-06, 04:06 PM
he just wants to see you. he isn't really mad at you or anything, just wants to see you.

this kind of behavior persists, whether you are boyfriend girlfriend or not. it is how he feels towards everything, but he doesn't show it. he has trouble showing and expressing emotions. i have the same problem. i had it with my ex.

by the way i am against meeting people online. all the relationships i have are people i have acquainted in person.

chockies
17-12-06, 04:15 PM
he just wants to see you. he isn't really mad at you or anything, just wants to see you.

this kind of behavior persists, whether you are boyfriend girlfriend or not. it is how he feels towards everything, but he doesn't show it. he has trouble showing and expressing emotions. i have the same problem. i had it with my ex.

by the way i am against meeting people online. all the relationships i have are people i have acquainted in person.

thanks for your reply. he actually said he was angry this morning and told me to ignore him. I'm so worried but could not do anything as I have to stay here. ..

well, I wanted to meet a foreign person, so I went online.

Gigabitch
18-12-06, 02:54 AM
but I couldn't ask him how he think of me because he once said "if you ever have sex with someone, can you tell me?" so I realized that we were just sex-friends. it was 8months ago....

He may have been hoping that you would say, "I don't have sex with anyone but you.". This was not necessarily a definitive statement about your relationship status.

Neither one of you can communicate for shit. You need to work on this, because it's going to cause you all manner of problems not only with him, but in any relationship you ever have.

chockies
18-12-06, 07:44 AM
He may have been hoping that you would say, "I don't have sex with anyone but you.". This was not necessarily a definitive statement about your relationship status.

Neither one of you can communicate for shit. You need to work on this, because it's going to cause you all manner of problems not only with him, but in any relationship you ever have.

You are too right about my communicating problem.

actually I told him that I didn't have sex with anyone but him..
sometimes he tells me how other girls want to have sex with him but he always says that won't happen. the thing that bothers me is he is going back to his country in a few years for sure. But yeh, I guess all I have to do is just working on my communicating problem.

yesterday, I sent him an email "I don't want to ignore you and don't want you to ignore me. it's so painful" and he replied to me saying "what's painful?"
and I said "my feeling was. don't ignore me"and he said "I don't" and I replied "good to hear that"as I didn't know what else to say. what's wrong with us?? I am confused. I want to ask him but don't want to lose him.

Kiwiz
18-12-06, 10:33 AM
What i could gather, from this.. he's clueless, he doesn't know what to do.. or how to express himself. Bet if you ask him if he has been in a serious relationship i bet he'd turn round and say no. Its hard for a guy to express himself, its natural, his time will come soon you'll see! just stick with him and you'll see the difference over a period of time. <3 x

TDurden
18-12-06, 11:49 AM
Hi, I just had a fight with a guy and am confused..
well, I have been away from his town for a month because of my family matter.
I told him that I would go back to his town weeks ago but I have kept changing my plan and extended my stay three times.. (I am here to look after my family)
He said "don't worry about me" "I'm just wishing that you were here" and stuff like that. But last nite,when I told him that I wouldn't be able to go back yet, he finally had a fit. the thing is I don't understand why he is upset as we are casually dating. I mean, I would understand his anger if we are boyfriend and girlfriend.. but he never said he loved me...

we have been dating for a year. we have sex, we see each other at least twice a week, and talk on the phone 3times a day....he treats me well but never showed his affection...
he usually picks up a phone but this morning he didn't but sent me emails.. he said "ignore me and stay there as long as you need to". I thought that he didn't want to see me anymore so I asked him if I would be able to see him again and he said"I will see you" so, i guess he will see me.. but what 's in his mind? he doesn't say he loves me but he's upset because I won't be back.
thanks for reading..

Am I the only one here that seems to thinks that a lot of this problem is due to you? Sure the guy isn't doing a great job communicating his emotions but he's doing a way better job then you are. You've been dating for a year, have had sex and talk frequently yet you go "omg were not dting cuz he dih'nt say i luv u". I don't know about how you do relationships but I don't say "I love you" unless I mean it. Doesn't mean I'm not her boyfriend, just means I'm not in love with her.

He misses you, that's obvious. Be more understanding and talk to him like a human being.

chockies
18-12-06, 01:12 PM
I don't know about how you do relationships but I don't say "I love you" unless I mean it. Doesn't mean I'm not her boyfriend, just means I'm not in love with her.


It might be a cultural difference but I don't get this part.. A man calls her a girlfriend even though he isn't in love with her?

chockies
18-12-06, 01:15 PM
What i could gather, from this.. he's clueless, he doesn't know what to do.. or how to express himself. Bet if you ask him if he has been in a serious relationship i bet he'd turn round and say no. Its hard for a guy to express himself, its natural, his time will come soon you'll see! just stick with him and you'll see the difference over a period of time. <3 x

When I met him for the first time, he said that he had had 2girlfriends that were serious.

TDurden
18-12-06, 02:42 PM
It might be a cultural difference but I don't get this part.. A man calls her a girlfriend even though he isn't in love with her?

You don't date someone unless you're in love with them? Last time I checked being boyfriend and girlfriend just meant that the two people liked eachother.

CAM
18-12-06, 02:55 PM
My interpretation: he feels guilty because he's done something (or thought of doing something) in your absence.

chockies
18-12-06, 02:58 PM
You don't date someone unless you're in love with them? Last time I checked being boyfriend and girlfriend just meant that the two people liked eachother.
I would date with a guy if I like him.
I'm totally confused.
in my culture, a woman and a man date if they like each other and if they are totally in love they become a girlfriend and a boyfriend.

hmmm, anyway, I'm gonna call him tonite.

chockies
18-12-06, 03:30 PM
That more or less explains it...In the U.S., the terms boy/girlfriend seems to be used a bit more loosely. Men & women date a couple of times...if it works out...apparently they like each other and so they're called boyfriend & girlfriend...theoretically, "love" (whatever it means) comes later.

ah! meanings of boy/girlfriend were different between he and I.
I think I learn something new from this...
so, you guys create love together by knowing each other?
my perception toward "love" was more like a chemistry that we couldn't create.

chockies
18-12-06, 03:50 PM
The chemistry you refer to is the same as here in the U.S., the initial attraction between a couple...what brings them together in before they know each other. Yeah, we refer to that 'chemistry'

The best description of love that I've heard is, "what's left after the initial passion has passed" ...basically, do they still want to be together after they've become used to each other, after their relationship has become routine.

People have different opinions on this. That was my opinion.

So how did the call go?

thanks for sharing your idea.
now, I don't know what Love really is so I guess I will just leave it as it is for now.
I just know that I want to be with him.
well, he's still at work, so haven't called him yet.

Mathias
18-12-06, 04:54 PM
Love is a highway. I want to ride it all night long.




















No, shit...that's life.




**** it, I wanna know what love is. I know you can show me.

chockies
18-12-06, 05:53 PM
So how did the call go?
he was a lot more mature than I was.
When I called him he was still at work so couldn't talk that long but he said he wasn't angry at all. His tone was the same as usual.
I just borrowed myself trouble. .. wish I knew how not to take things so seriously.