My family "misses" me. [Archive] - Love Forum - Online Relationship Discussion


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14-01-07, 01:25 AM
As a select few of you already know, I don't have a good relationship with the asian side of my family. I never did have a good connection with them as the only time I saw them was on the weekends when I visited my father.

It's really an issue of culture, they're all so different from I. A lot of my cousins are becoming the ideal and stereotypical asian. They're bilingual, some even trilingual, they go to school, they're getting good jobs in reputable careers, like pharmacists, lawyers, and all that shit. They wear fancy clothes, drive nice cars. Those are stereotypes I loathe. I don't hate them, (but sometimes I do), but I've gone out of my way not to become like them.

With the exception of one cousin, Justin who is about 2 years younger than me, who I grew up with (and hang out with still), I never see the rest of the group. Even when another much older cousin of mine lives a few houses down with his wife and kids. I just don't see 'em.

I haven't put a lot of thought or worry into it either except when a more distant cousin Dawn, found me on Myspace. And she's been messaging me about how the family has been asking about me, and how they haven't seen me at recent family events. Part of me thinks they're asking simply out of curiosity and not because they really care. Even if it is genuine, I hate seein' them and telling them about my life (as right now it doesn't really exist) and even my past life in AmeriCorps as I know in their eyes it's not really that prestigious.

I've already received the kind of unwanted reactions from them when I said I didn't go to school, or that I was in something as "obscure" to them as AmeriCorps, they're just kine like "oh yeah? that's cool...". ****ing assholes...I've tried to get along with that side of the family, on multiple occasions, but it just never worked, and I think I'm past the point of trying to get along with them anyway. Their love feels too conditional.

14-01-07, 01:49 AM
I know right now you might SAY that what they think doesn't matter, but it looks as though on some level, it DOES matter to you. You'll probably get to the point eventually where their judgement of your lifestyle *really* doesn't matter to you.

Still, I always think it is best to avoid cutting all contact with people who are productive. You never know when you might need to pull in a favor. Lawyers are handy people to know. Can't you just maintain cordial relations with them? You don't have to have your heart involved in all relationships.

14-01-07, 05:39 AM
I never said that what they think doesn't matter to me.

It clearly does.

I just hate being judged by them, they don't do it outright, (usually) but they do it.

I've always been the odd one, in my background, and my upbringing.

A lot of my life was spent trying to figure out where I fit, and that's just one of the places I don't fit.

14-01-07, 06:00 AM
Just playing devil's advocate, you are judging them too. You say they embody sterotypes you can't stand and you go out of your way so that you're not like them

14-01-07, 06:33 AM
Just playing devil's advocate, you are judging them too. You say they embody sterotypes you can't stand and you go out of your way so that you're not like them

That is true.

Call me hypocritical, but I have a history of holding prejudices towards those who have already offended me.

I was very hostile towards Amy and Megan when I first met them as they were both practicing Christians.

I'm so afraid of being offended by others that I become of the offender.

14-01-07, 07:29 AM
As I alluded to before, I think as you gain more confidence and security in your own decisions about how you live your life, what they think will matter less, and eventually not at all.