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Zach
18-01-07, 09:03 AM
As we all know I have been through some heart break recently, and I have been recovering. This isn't about me being heartbroken and crying. No more pity parties.

There is something else that has been bothering me. And I thought I would ignore it in hopes it would go away given time. But its not going away and it seemingly is getting worse, but maybe it just needs alot of time.

Curious?

Well here is whats wrong. I dont know whats wrong. I actually have no idea whats going on in my life. I can't even pinpoint whats actually wrong which is whats so confusing and why I never brang this up to anyone. I talked to glitterballs about it for a while and she told me to go on the forum and talk about it. So here I am.

Whats going on is I feel like one of those Globes with the Snowman inside and you shake it all the hell up and sit it down and watch the pretend snow fall slowly and settle at the bottom of the globe. Every single aspect of my life is so confusing. Like not 2 options and cant make a decision confusing.. but like a blurring confusing. Does that make any sense?

People ask me all the time "How are you?" ...simple small talk.. but my answer has always been "I.. Dont know..." and Its weird cause I have absolutely no idea how I am doing. Im like a blank piece of paper. I feel grey.

Everything in life is dull, no color and doesn't interest me at all. Nothing is fun anymore. Ad Naseum. Routine. Grey.

I just dont know whats wrong but I know something is seriously not right. I think it could be depression but im not sad. It could be anger built up that I dont know about but Im not angry at all. (usually)

Whats the word.. Apathy. Im indifferent to everything. Literally everything. Hopefully this feeling will pass, maybe it just needs some time.. but I have been feeling like this for over a month now and its getting worse. There is like two forms of it: 1 being a constant stream of subtle apathy underlining my every action and emotion.. and the 2nd being it comes in waves and its much stronger in the waves. They come once every other day or so.

Am I crazy? Am I just still recovering from what happened to me? Am I depressed? Whats wrong with me?

--Zach

Fnord
18-01-07, 10:32 AM
I'm going to ramble a bit because I clearly have issues with this topic.

Clearly you are quite traumatised. After a relationship break up this is normal.

"Everything in life is dull, no color and doesn't interest me at all. Nothing is fun anymore. Ad Naseum. Routine. Grey.

I just dont know whats wrong but I know something is seriously not right. I think it could be depression but im not sad. It could be anger built up that I dont know about but Im not angry at all. (usually)"

My (recently) Ex girl friend suffers from depression and at its worst it can be extremely debilitating. She (on a good day) had feelings of empitness too. Don't ignore it but if you are going through a breakup this is probably normal. If you start to have feelings of self harm then for God's talk to somebody.

"Hopefully this feeling will pass, maybe it just needs some time.. but I have been feeling like this for over a month now and its getting worse."

I hope so too.

vashti
18-01-07, 11:00 AM
Why don't you contact your local homeless shelter and see if they could use some volunteer help? It might help you put your life into a healthier perspective, and doing for others is good for the soul.

Gigabitch
18-01-07, 11:08 AM
You're wiped out, Zach. Shut down. Think of yourself as being in "healing mode". It's not supposed to feel good. Think of everything you've been through recently, I mean, my God, you got shredded. I think your psyche is just protecting itself, going into a fugue state while it struggles to cope with all that trauma.

You'll let yourself come back out of this protective emotional shell when you can deal with it all. You're not broken.

Zach
18-01-07, 11:11 AM
Thanks guys. I figured I just have to ride this one out. Eventually it will be normal again, it has to. I just hope it doesnt take to long.

Gigabitch
18-01-07, 11:14 AM
Exactly. You will return to normal. You're still Zach. They didn't take anything from you.

Zach
18-01-07, 11:21 AM
Giga- Do you have children? Sorry, random question. Curious.

Gigabitch
18-01-07, 11:23 AM
Yeah, I have an eight-year-old daughter. She's so cool, the sun actually shines out of her eyes. She's a little superhero.

Zach
18-01-07, 11:26 AM
I bet your a great mom. Im glad to hear it. I hope to someday be a father, but not for a long time.. lol Maybe 6-10 years from now.

<3
--Zach