Guys I'm Confused.... [Archive] - Love Forum - Online Relationship Discussion


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28-03-07, 01:34 AM
hello i'm new here, and I have a question for you guys!! Since y'all don't come with instructions maybe one of ya can help me.
2 1/2 years ago I met this guy through a few friends... we talked and flirted but nothing to big, we never got each others numbers, or hung out just the 2 of us. well this past summer he moved away for awhile and so did I. a few weeks ago I found out he was in town again! (I found out because he saw me in my new truck and waved!) I didn't know it was him until I talked to one of "our" friends and she told me, I got his number and called him. That next day he called back and asked if I would like to go do something with him, well that was a week ago today, and we have spent every day with each other since. on thursday we had a kiss, but we haven't "hooked up" yet. This weekend one of my friends asked him when he was going to ask me out, and he told her that he didn't know because he was still trying to get over his ex, but he does like me..... last night we kissed again, but went a little more, we were curled up on the sofa and (yes I started it) I kissed him on the neck, and ear and played around, he turned his head and gave me a kiss then kissed me on my neck. But then he turned away and just hugged me, he said that I got him hot, but was he pulling away because he doesn't want to be with me, and still wants his ex, or did he pull away because he was being a gentleman and not trying to start something since we aren't going out? :sad2: Also do you think he will ever ask me out, or are we just going to do the whole friends w/benifit things until I get hurt?? please let me know what you think...... Thanks guys!!

28-03-07, 02:46 AM
Okay, first things first: I'm a girl and I am posting in the Ask A Male forum. All of us will do this, so if you were planning to post this question in the Ask a Female and Love Advice forums, don't bother.

Now, the question. Whether or not he takes advantage of you is entirely up to you at this point. He's been pretty clear about what's going on with him. Now it's your job to take that information and make a good decision with it. If you keep curling up on the couch with him and kissing his neck, he will eventually go to bed with you, and if it results in you being disappointed because you wanted a relationship, it will be your own fault.

Now is the time to set the tone for your future with this guy, be it as friends or more. Think about how you want to be treated for years, not just what you want right now to gratify yourself.

The Great OV!!!
28-03-07, 11:10 AM
you're gonna get hurt. I'm not kidding, it is not natural for a guy to pull away in a moment like that. Also, does "hooking up" always mean having sex?

28-03-07, 12:48 PM
I agree with those two. ^^

He doesn't sound all that interested at this point, and I wouldn't push it.

29-03-07, 05:51 AM
by "hooking up" i ment that he hasn't asked me to be his "girl friend" yet, that whole thing. But just to add to the pot he came over again last night. He called to talk and asked what I was doin' when i said nothing he said that he needed to go take a shower (he had been working all day) and then he would call me and see what we wanted to do, but about 1/2 hour later he came drivin' up.... and so I didn't curl up with him, but he pulled me over to him and HE always started it. like he would put his arm around me, he would lean in for a kiss, he would pull me closer to him and such, so now I have NO CLUE! It seems like to me he wants to but he just isn't sure.... so I have no clue..... but thanks guys and we'll see what happens tonight!

29-03-07, 01:10 PM
First, Giga and others are correct. Be careful, although it seems like he's being careful for you and not taking advantage (yet).

How old are u? How old is he?

This whole story sounds a bit like a rural high school drama...and I should know because I went to a rural high school (our sports mascot was "Cowboys" So, I know the story quite well. I also know how easily Justin Ropers slip off at 2 am on the bench seat of a 1973 Ford Ranger...just use the steering wheel as a bootjack, right?!!

Anyway, this guy's being nice and respectful and currently, you are just pushing for a hot load on a Saturday night. IF you really want him for reasons of love, then take it easy, sweetheart. IF you just want a load, then keep on kissing him on the neck...hell, whip out a nipple...he'll get the hint. So, it really is up to you to figure out what you want--because, he's already told you what he wants. Frankly, he's a bit scared of you because you are sooo eager to use the steering wheel bootjack, kiddo.

31-03-07, 01:58 AM
I am 20 and he is 21. I don't want him just to use him.... I have had a crush on him for 2 1/2 years we aren't even datin' I'm not going to screw him.... not that kinda girl.... but I guess i will just see how it all plays out. I mean I really like this guy......:sad2:

The Great OV!!!
31-03-07, 06:27 AM
By your first post it seems like if he didn't pull out you would have already screwed him by now.

31-03-07, 04:25 PM
I'd say make sure to be yourself, he likes you but he's doubting if he likes you enough for the next step obviously.
Find a balance between not smothering him, but sitll remaining somewhere in the back of his head. Then take your attention away a bit. Don't date every day...or just make it feel a bit passive. So that if he wants more, he's got to make an initiative.

Because I bet he wants to try it, it's just that his ex is in the back of his mind all the time. That's why it feels wrong to him and he stops.
I don't know, you should build up a bit of tension, not too much, then let it fade and see if he wants to hold onto that tension. If he does, just take it very slowly from that point, and you're safe to move on.

:) It's what I would think, I'm not that good in this stuff but maybe a few people agree with me. Or correct me if I'm wrong, I could learn from it too ;)

01-04-07, 04:25 AM
I am 20 and he is 21. I don't want him just to use him.... I have had a crush on him for 2 1/2 years we aren't even datin' I'm not going to screw him.... not that kinda girl.... but I guess i will just see how it all plays out. I mean I really like this guy......:sad2:

I think the other advice at bottom of thread is pretty good--just let him be a bit, be his friend, maintain a low level interest and let him make up his mind a bit.

Good for you for not being a slattern--not wanting to jump on him just for the heck of it. A crush on him for 2 1/2 years, huh? He should be honored, honestly, to have that much attention.

02-04-07, 01:00 AM
You don't need any advice, you seem in total control of yourself and your actions.

07-04-07, 05:24 PM
Ummm... Am I the first guy to ACTUALLY reply to this post? lol!

Anyway. I know you are eager to know what comes next with him... but obviously he is not ready. He is still having debates in his head whether he wants to move on from his ex or finally explore someone else.. (you! :D )

I say... just give it time. Let him know you ARE there and be his buddy. But don't push him. He'll come around sometime and you'll know what he really wants.

If not... Be frank. ASK HIM. And dont' let him dance around the question.

10-04-07, 12:40 AM
I agree with jMarkt, just be a little patient I know its hard, be there for him. Because I know when I broke up with my ex, I had the same debate going on in my head, where one of my friends was doing the same thing. But seriously it is hard because the last thing us guys who actually care is to hurt the girl. So just be patient!!!!

12-04-07, 03:45 AM
I think you need to move on. Obviously he still wants his ex and made it clear. I think women need to come with instructions.
I hope that didn't come out mean just getting right to the point.

11-07-07, 09:22 PM
maybe his it trying to show respect for you. have you thought of that?

11-07-07, 11:12 PM
Was the break up from his ex fairly recent?
How long were they together?

I've been in this situation recently. I'm a guy - so I guess that's the point of view you're looking for. Hopefully some of this can help..

When I was in this situation, little things that she did reminded me of my ex and it upset me and made me uncomfortable. It wasn't that I didn't like the girl that I was with, because I really did.
I'd say I still have feelings for my ex. Everyone does to some extent, whether it still be love, hate, or anything in between. There will always be history and feelings don't just dissapear - they change. So, it wasn't that I wanted to be back with my ex, I just felt uncomfortable being reminded of her because it hurt.

It may be different in your/his situation, I don't know. I'm just letting you know how I felt.

My advice would be to take things slowly. If you want to be with him, and he is showing signs of liking you (from what you've posted - he is) then you just have to stick with it and don't push for anything. Right now, intamacy in HIS mind is linked to his ex. It just needs some time to be transferred over to you.

You COULD try asking him about it if he pulls away again - but if you do you have to remember to be very understanding and supportive of what he says. Don't force him to respond, and don't interrogate him.
Put it in a light, friendly way and he might tell you what he's thinking.

13-07-07, 02:05 PM
Um...there actually is a possibility of him not coming on too hard because they arent officially dating and he doesn't want to make that sort of impression. That's just me however. Most guys would respond back instantly if a girl made an initiative and go as far as they can. So if he is the average guy that's out there, then yes it is wierd that he pulled back.