I need some professional help [Archive] - Love Forum - Online Relationship Discussion


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04-04-07, 12:24 PM
When I say professional I mean someone who can tell me exactly what to do with the assurance that it will work!!!
I need to build up self-confidence and self-respect!!!
And not try to modify myself every time I fall for a guy, thinking he wouldn't like me if I stay myself!
And stop thinking that I can't get the guys I like cause for some reason Iím not good enough for them!
Iím really pretty, people have many times told me I should get into modeling or something, and there's always someone hitting on me, and every time I was drunk enough to try to seduce someone: Iíve always got the guy, and Iím intelligent, and Iím fun and cheerful, and interesting, and complex but in a good way!
But being sort of aware of all this, it doesn't help me get out of this really annoying state of mind!
Itís like Iím aware of it, but it's like an outer body experience when I say these nice things!
In practice I can't feel it nor enjoy it!
And that's all I want!!
There were times when I felt really great about myself, the way I should, the way we all should, but that was a long time ago, and short lived!
Please, someone, anyone, tell me what to do?

04-04-07, 12:53 PM
This sounds like normal teenage/early 20s insecurity to me. I think the reason girls that age have such trouble with their self esteem is because they have yet to do anything particularly meaningful with themselves and their lives. Therefore, I think you should work on personal development. Do something meaningful for someone else on a regular basis; it is good for the soul.

05-04-07, 01:13 PM
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06-04-07, 12:16 PM
Oh, for God's sake. Isn't "the secret" basically that you deny the existence of unpleasant people? Good luck with that!

Okay, this might sound like weird advice, but it's what I really think. You should date someone completely different from your usual type. Maybe he's not so good-looking, for instance. Find someone you genuinely like that doesn't freak you out or blow your mind, someone who think could never be the right guy for you. Think of him as a practice boyfriend. Pick someone with some integrity and kindness.

Exercise some emotional reserve with him. Remind yourself that you're not in this to fall madly in love, and that the idea here is to perform an experiment with your own confidence. Don't fool him at all, be up front about the fact that you're not looking to get super-serious.

I think you sound like you put a lot of pressure on yourself, and ultimately, on whoever you're dating. Lighten it up for a while.

06-04-07, 08:49 PM
use less exclamation marks!!!!

and btw, the fact that something gets featured on Oprah, Larry King Live, and TIME Magazine proves to me that it's another fad.