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Sybella
13-06-07, 12:06 AM
I'm looking for advice on how to build my self esteem. i'm in my mid 20's. healthy except for a small smoking habit and at a somewhat healthy weight. I have no reason to think I'm unattractive but I just don't feel it.

I'm looking for a way to boost my self esteem without fishing for compliments. Guys hitting on me kinda makes my honey jealouse and I dont' blame him. I'm the same way.

Anyway any advice is welcome.

Oh and you may also tell me that I just need to relax and grow some balls and not care what people think. I get told that all the time but it just doesn't work.

Tiay
13-06-07, 01:09 AM
y'know, I've struggled with this too. still am. I've read about stupid "activities" to help yourself feel better about yourself, such as making a list of your ten best qualities and achievements, or making a self-esteem 'calendar' (don't ask). but frankly these things are mostly bullshit.

the only way i've found to build self-esteem that works for me is to do something completely overwhelming which you don't think you can manage, and do it anyway.

such as.. loose weight. not because you need to, but because it's a very empowering thing to do. In general, take on a challenge that initially scares you.

LordOfTehVirgin
13-06-07, 02:32 AM
There was another post just like this below this one so I will post what I said there.

Just keep yourself in good shape by working out, eating right, and practicing keeping your body well taken care of. You will feel different and over time it can make you look different in a positive way.

One big thing is what you eat. I used to feel like crap all the time not because I had gotten fat from eating to much, I have never been fat. Instead it was because my body was not getting everything it should have been so I was feeling down and sometimes just out of energy. Just try eating well and see how you feel. Less sweets to. I do not even drink soda anymore since I got used to other things and now they taste good to me and soda taste like crap every time I drink it.

ADDED: For me it just feels like I got a lot of energy and a positive outlook all the time. I can get up easily at 5:00 in the morning now and not 12:00 in the afternoon like normal. I even got the energy to make breakfast for the family and try cooking different things sometimes. That is a big one since before changing my diet, I hated cooking. Also by working out some I put on some muscle without a big workout routine because of my good eating habits. I know it may seem like a bunch of bs reading text, but it really has made a huge difference.

vashti
13-06-07, 03:28 AM
She said her weight is healthy, and besides, what a person weighs has little connection to a true sense of self esteem. Lots of big people feel just fine about themselves as a person, even if they aren't happy with their weight. Conversely, lots of thin people hate themselves.

Anyway, I think the way to have self esteem is to earn it. I think this is usually done best by finding something outside yourself to devote your energies towards, such as volunteer work or becoming an expert in something meaningful. You need to try to make a difference to OTHER people.

Sybella
13-06-07, 03:32 AM
That does make sense. I guess if I did more with myself than just work than I would feel better. I never used to have this problem but then I used to dance and do theater from high school all the way through college so I never had time to think about it.

I can be so dumb sometimes. thanks guys. :goofy:

vashti
13-06-07, 03:47 AM
Yeah, keep up the exercise so you can continue to feel healthy, but start looking for more meaningful things to occupy yourself with.

BTW - I LOVE the movie "Chicago".

LordOfTehVirgin
13-06-07, 06:30 AM
She said her weight is healthy, and besides, what a person weighs has little connection to a true sense of self esteem. Lots of big people feel just fine about themselves as a person, even if they aren't happy with their weight. Conversely, lots of thin people hate themselves.

Anyway, I think the way to have self esteem is to earn it. I think this is usually done best by finding something outside yourself to devote your energies towards, such as volunteer work or becoming an expert in something meaningful. You need to try to make a difference to OTHER people.

.... I did not say anything about weight. I said that it can often do with what you eat that can reflect the way your body feels. If you eat and unbalanced diet, you will have less energy and a less positive outlook than those who have tons of energy from eating right.

Sure there weight may have no connection, but if they eat really unhealthy while at that weight it can.

Just like you said, "finding something outside yourself to devote your energies towards", you need the energy from a healthy life style to find more about yourself. People with the energy will not be able to sit down all day and do nothing. They will feel more ready to do something. It is just a thought and my beliefs. Everyone I know who eats healthy seems to do a lot more with themselves than others. :D


That does make sense. I guess if I did more with myself than just work than I would feel better. I never used to have this problem but then I used to dance and do theater from high school all the way through college so I never had time to think about it.

I can be so dumb sometimes. thanks guys. :goofy:

You do not sound like a person with any problems on what I mentioned. Sounds interesting to take a dance class. I once considered it but I figured it would be goofy for me to learn the type I wanted to considering where I live and my age group heh.

Sybella
13-06-07, 09:28 AM
I never really thought about the way my eating habits might make me feel about myself and since eating seems to be something I do on rare occasions, meaning, I don't eat very often, that could explain a lot.

Sybella
13-06-07, 09:31 AM
.... I did not say anything about weight. I said that it can often do with what you eat that can reflect the way your body feels. If you eat and unbalanced diet, you will have less energy and a less positive outlook than those who have tons of energy from eating right.

Sure there weight may have no connection, but if they eat really unhealthy while at that weight it can.

Just like you said, "finding something outside yourself to devote your energies towards", you need the energy from a healthy life style to find more about yourself. People with the energy will not be able to sit down all day and do nothing. They will feel more ready to do something. It is just a thought and my beliefs. Everyone I know who eats healthy seems to do a lot more with themselves than others. :D



You do not sound like a person with any problems on what I mentioned. Sounds interesting to take a dance class. I once considered it but I figured it would be goofy for me to learn the type I wanted to considering where I live and my age group heh.



How old are you? One is never to old or to young to dance. Unless its like stripping which is kinda gross. You know my dad has wanted to take dance lessons for years and I happen to think that two of the greatest movie stars were also dancers. They would be Gene Kelly and Fred Astair. Of course all their costars are just as amazing.

anachronistic
13-06-07, 09:41 AM
One is never to old or to young to dance.

too young: completely unable to walk yet

too old: unable to move anymore.

:D

dancing is just not for some people. i hate dancing. when i am at the dance floor i can't help but act like a dork and do silly moves like 'the cowbell'

Sybella
13-06-07, 10:08 AM
Hey now the cowbell is still a respectable move.

and the dancing I did was mostly ballet and stuff.

Your right I guess you can be to old or too young but as long as your able to move you can still dance even if it is the cowbell. My pesonal favorite though is the lawn mower.

hee hee.:cool:

Junket
13-06-07, 10:31 AM
I couldn't stand the movie Chicago.

It just kept on going and going and going.

Sybella
13-06-07, 12:21 PM
It is an ok movie. My mom tried to tell me once I looked like Cathrine Zeta Jones. I laughed really hard cause, well, I don't.

Good music though.

Raverboy808
13-06-07, 12:51 PM
call me carefree.. but why does the opinions of others really matter when you're bf is the one who sees you naked? i think that people tend to worry what others think of them because it's how society is raised. forget everyone else because their opinions are only biased thoughts.

raverboy

Only-virgins
13-06-07, 02:53 PM
If you have guys hitting on you then doesn't that tell you something right there?

LordOfTehVirgin
13-06-07, 11:16 PM
How old are you? One is never to old or to young to dance. Unless its like stripping which is kinda gross. You know my dad has wanted to take dance lessons for years and I happen to think that two of the greatest movie stars were also dancers. They would be Gene Kelly and Fred Astair. Of course all their costars are just as amazing.

I am 17, few months from 18. I have a reputation to keep so yeah, lets just say I want to learn the strip dancing. I could be one sexy man whore if you threw in a pole in the mix. :evil:

the crazy guy
14-06-07, 02:02 AM
call me carefree.. but why does the opinions of others really matter when you're bf is the one who sees you naked? i think that people tend to worry what others think of them because it's how society is raised. forget everyone else because their opinions are only biased thoughts.

raverboy

I have to agree with raverboy on this one. Some people may be attracted to someone by their looks, their personality, maybe even just the clothes they wear. If your boyfriend loves you, then that should show that no matter your personality/clothes/looks someone still finds you attractive in many senses of the word.



If you have guys hitting on you then doesn't that tell you something right there?

But the only thing is that they may be just interested in what she keeps in her pants. That really isn't "attraction" it could just be hornyness, or trying to make someone jealous. It isn't flirting that shows attraction, it is feelings.

Gigabitch
14-06-07, 05:29 AM
I never really thought about the way my eating habits might make me feel about myself and since eating seems to be something I do on rare occasions, meaning, I don't eat very often, that could explain a lot.

Bingo. Don't do that. Your brain needs glucose to function properly, and your emotional health is dependent on your brain's functionality.

Rob26
14-06-07, 08:51 AM
Post a picture and we'll tell you whether you're attractive or not. :evil:

Sybella
14-06-07, 10:22 AM
call me carefree.. but why does the opinions of others really matter when you're bf is the one who sees you naked? i think that people tend to worry what others think of them because it's how society is raised. forget everyone else because their opinions are only biased thoughts.

raverboy


I'm not so worried about what others think of me its what I think of myself. If that makes any sense.

and if you really want to see me got to myspace.com/leiadinker[/url]

I have some pics up there.

Gribble
14-06-07, 10:28 AM
I think you're very pretty. You've got a classic look. I like that.

Sybella
14-06-07, 10:29 AM
Thank you.

Only-virgins
14-06-07, 10:47 AM
What is with women and dogs....god. They call men dogs and then go out and buy real dogs...wtf....

anachronistic
14-06-07, 11:05 AM
I find this to be very true: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

DoesntMatter
14-06-07, 11:06 AM
I find this to be very true: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

This is partly true. This is where the expression "beer-goggles" comes from, I think.

Steve2004
14-06-07, 11:25 AM
I find this to be very true: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."


This is partly true. This is where the expression "beer-goggles" comes from, I think.

...did this just go where i think it went?

the crazy guy
14-06-07, 12:28 PM
I think both you and the puppy are pretty!

Only-virgins
14-06-07, 01:37 PM
I want some beer-googles! I live in the USA..our women are fat...gimme those goggles!

Steve2004
15-06-07, 02:41 AM
I want some beer-googles! I live in the USA..our women are fat...gimme those goggles!

-slap-


....

Gigabitch
15-06-07, 02:47 AM
I want some beer-googles! I live in the USA..our women are fat...gimme those goggles!

You should go rent Beer Fest. Pay particular attention to the part where Jay Chandrasekhar's character goes home with the "hottie".

Sybella
15-06-07, 02:32 PM
I want some beer-googles! I live in the USA..our women are fat...gimme those goggles!

Wow, sounds like the chicks around here. Don't worry I'm not into chicks its just hard not to notice when no one goes to a wet tee-shirt contest cause all the girls in it have bigger guts than boobs.

Only-virgins
15-06-07, 02:44 PM
-slap-
....

You should go rent Beer Fest. Pay particular attention to the part where Jay Chandrasekhar's character goes home with the "hottie".

Girls! Girls!...I know you are not obese so why fret over it? You know damn well that being over-weight is a serious problem in the States.


Wow, sounds like the chicks around here. Don't worry I'm not into chicks its just hard not to notice when no one goes to a wet tee-shirt contest cause all the girls in it have bigger guts than boobs.

Hehe, gut bigger then boobs...that made me laugh. You are gorgeous in your pictures on myspace.

anachronistic
15-06-07, 02:57 PM
guys...

i don't feel pretty either. i think it's my stubble and armpit hair. i really don't have big tits, either.

the crazy guy
15-06-07, 10:24 PM
Wow, sounds like the chicks around here. Don't worry I'm not into chicks its just hard not to notice when no one goes to a wet tee-shirt contest cause all the girls in it have bigger guts than boobs.

Yeah, that is just mildly disturbing.

Gigabitch
16-06-07, 03:35 AM
guys...

i don't feel pretty either. i think it's my stubble and armpit hair. i really don't have big tits, either.


Way to make me choke on my lunch. I'm envisioning you in front of the mirror, pouting at your five o'clock shadow.

DoesntMatter
16-06-07, 04:10 AM
My sister told me today that she was jealous of my forehead.

Kiechi
16-06-07, 05:08 AM
My sister told me today that she was jealous of my forehead.

Sharing is caring.

Steve2004
16-06-07, 07:20 AM
i once told a boyfriend i was jealous of his eyebrows because they always looked perfectly plucked.

then he got embarrassed and stopped plucking his eyebrows.

Gigabitch
16-06-07, 07:54 AM
i once told a boyfriend i was jealous of his eyebrows because they always looked perfectly plucked.

then he got embarrassed and stopped plucking his eyebrows.


So glad it's Friday, because now I have to take my keyboard home and run it through the dishwasher, I just spit so much food all over it.

Steve2004
16-06-07, 09:38 AM
So glad it's Friday, because now I have to take my keyboard home and run it through the dishwasher, I just spit so much food all over it.

huh. kinda nasty

Mathias
16-06-07, 09:42 AM
I'm looking for advice on how to build my self esteem. i'm in my mid 20's. healthy except for a small smoking habit and at a somewhat healthy weight. I have no reason to think I'm unattractive but I just don't feel it.

I'm looking for a way to boost my self esteem without fishing for compliments. Guys hitting on me kinda makes my honey jealouse and I dont' blame him. I'm the same way.

Anyway any advice is welcome.

Oh and you may also tell me that I just need to relax and grow some balls and not care what people think. I get told that all the time but it just doesn't work.

I think you're hot.

Granted, I've never seen you, but your personality is enough for me.

Translation: Make sure you're just who you are. The guys will come.

Steve2004
16-06-07, 10:29 AM
I think you're hot.

Granted, I've never seen you, but your personality is enough for me.



i doubt your existance.

Charlie Boy II
16-06-07, 11:55 AM
i once told a boyfriend i was jealous of his eyebrows because they always looked perfectly plucked.

then he got embarrassed and stopped plucking his eyebrows.


hahahaha you're a funny chick Steve.

DoesntMatter
16-06-07, 12:24 PM
I think Steve and Charlie have the two best senses of humor on here

Charlie Boy II
18-06-07, 07:32 AM
Really?! haha thanks mate.

Steve2004
18-06-07, 07:51 AM
i'm not gonna lie. I'm flattered right now.

Junket
18-06-07, 08:02 AM
I think Steve and Charlie have the two best senses of humor on here

What's that prick?

I have a wonderful ****in' sense of humor.

Laugh with me you little shit, laugh.

DoesntMatter
18-06-07, 08:39 AM
Can I giggle with you instead?

Steve2004
18-06-07, 08:48 AM
What's that prick?

I have a wonderful ****in' sense of humor.

Laugh with me you little shit, laugh.

dont be jealous. You can have the "guy in the cutest relationship" award. Best sense of humor isn't for everyone. =]

Charlie Boy II
18-06-07, 09:01 AM
Yeah Frasbee, or I reckon you'd be in with a strong chance of scooping the "Funniest Asian" sub-category.

bohemiandonut
18-06-07, 09:27 AM
Sometimes who's not lauging is just as important as who is, Fras.

WE know.

Junket
18-06-07, 09:55 AM
Yeah Frasbee, or I reckon you'd be in with a strong chance of scooping the "Funniest Asian" sub-category.

Who said I was asian?

Charlie Boy II
18-06-07, 11:17 AM
You did, funny man.

Sybella
18-06-07, 12:25 PM
Wow, its amazing how much one misses when they live at their job. oiy! Anyway thanks for all the advice and compliments. I just wanted to stop by since I haven't gotten to in a few days. Things seem to be ok with me at the moment and just so you know all advice given is being considered. The other day I actually ate 3 meals. Woo hoo!!

:D

Steve2004
18-06-07, 12:38 PM
i haven't eaten three meals in a day in a very long time.

i do snack..often...very often, however.
breakfast: cereal
lunch: slim fast bar
dinner: muffin. ice cream. chips. muffin...ice cream.

bohemiandonut
18-06-07, 01:27 PM
You should lay off the grains. Eat like a caveman.

Illusional
18-06-07, 01:56 PM
who needs to eat these days?? as long as you've got your beer, life is good. i'll share my beer goggles with anyone would wants to give them a try.

raverboy

anachronistic
18-06-07, 02:04 PM
who needs to eat these days?? as long as you've got your beer, life is good. i'll share my beer goggles with anyone would wants to give them a try.

raverboy

beer's for pussies. :)

Mathias
19-06-07, 09:00 AM
i doubt your existance.

Yet, I think...therefore...

Kiechi
20-06-07, 05:26 AM
Yeah Frasbee, or I reckon you'd be in with a strong chance of scooping the "Funniest Asian" sub-category.

You called him the "A" word. You got balls son.

Illusional
20-06-07, 01:00 PM
sorry, maybe i'd better switch it up to my wine coolers... mmmmmmmmmm

raverboy

Tedel
03-10-07, 11:06 PM
You know? Also men feel that. I feel unatttractive because I'm full of debts and that makes me think every woman will surely turn me down if I tried, but you can survive if you just take a deep breath, remember who you are and live accordingly.

Attractive people are those who are positive and different, not just the ones who look well. Read this:

*****

What can make you more attractive
from Heptagrama.com e-magazine

Being serious, one of the most difficult things we face in life is finding a couple. No matter if we are teens, in our late twenties or passed our forties and looking for a second chance; finding another person who to share our life and issues with has never been —and will never be— an easy thing.

Maybe, society has put to much pressure on us and we all want to live a fairy tale for home. Maybe it has been us who did not know how to deal with the issue of dating with enough strength. Perhaps it was because our parents —responsible for both educating and teaching us the most important things in life as they are— hid this knowledge from us afraid of seen us lose "precious years of our lives" dating instead of studying, or they never learnt it either. The point is that, even in this globalized society in which we can ask everything anywhere and without needing to give our names, we still do not know what it takes to be attractive enough to the opposite sex... or, blessed with natural attractiveness as we are, we fail to know how to handle it.
What makes a person attractive?

Without further ado, being attractive is not a matter of one single thing. Physical appearance is important, very important for a lot of people, but if we do not supplement it with other features, it will decidedly play against us. If you want an example, think about all those "dumb blonde" girls you see walking in a mall. Yes, you can swing a dead cat there and find one! So, from this, the first point we can make clear is that physical appearance is not important on its own.

So what else must we think about? If you are reading this, sure you have been on a date before, so please remember those uncountable occasions in which you were sitting in front of that guy or girl and, listening to him or her... and you were bored to death. Yes, I know you are smiling, but please, get the point. Being a smart person counts in dating a lot. It is one of the most determinant things, as a matter of fact...

However, try taking a look at some of those thousands of online dating profiles and think about this. These are people who are typically willing to get married... Who appears more attractive for you? Which profiles do you click on? Why did you click specifically on those online profiles and not the others? You just liked them? Yes... but why? Do you want an answer? You clicked on those profiles because you felt them either more self-confident, more sincere, or perhaps both. Perhaps you did it without noticing, but you did it anyway. Take that into account.

Is there any fourth thing to think about? Actually, yes, and I think it is the last one. Anybody wants or likes to carry anybody else's problems. Are you in trouble and looking for support? OK, I am sorry to hear that, but you need to call your best friend, a psychologist, a priest, or soak your issues with a never-leaving bartender. Being part of a couple is not a way out of your problems: period. Get my point? On the contrary: getting involved with someone while you are down is one of the worst ways to use a person. If you want your dating to be successful and —above all— if you want to have long-lasting results, do not get involved with anybody as a way to get rid of your personal problems.

The last thing is being honest with who you are and what you want. Have goals in your life, and know your likes, dislikes, and wishes. People who know who they are and what they want are automatically more attractive than those who do not. Why? Simple. They make others feel more comfortable when talking them.
So what can you do to be more attractive?

Taking into account what was written above, I think the path is already outlined. The first thing you need to do is to take a look at yourself in a realistic way. Start making a plan of what you need to look better for others and carry it out. Include new clothes, new accessories... everything. Can a combination of diet, make-up and exercise help you look better? OK, go for it. Just don't put it off.

But don't forget the first part! Physical beauty is not all. Remember those uncountable occasions in which you were sitting in front of your date, bored to death, and become someone worth talking with and hanging out. Read a few articles about every topic, sex included, to move things up a notch. Take a look at how some guys and girls flirt, learn to laugh at yourself and how to make others laugh too. Believe me, an honest smile is always something people like to stare at and enjoy.

Next, be sincere (even if you are a lawyer). Believe it or not, people like flirting before the date; but during the date, they don't like it too much because during the date is when they really want to get to know you. Laugh, of course, but let Scheherazade be your guru and master. Play your game little by little, keep curiosity up whatever happens. There is no better turn-off than knowing everything about a person just from the start. mm... Oh, actually, there is just once: to discover he/she just was lying. Be sincere.

My last tips may be the best of all: Be patient. If you are in the mood of finding your mate, it doesn't mean that all the world will freeze just to please you. At the same time, be exigent. Some people believe that being with someone "meanwhile" is really going to help them. That's not true. It only brings troubles. Last, be yourself. There has never been and there will never be anyone like you in the whole world, so don't lose this invaluable advantage.

Good luck.

*** Thank you to the staff of Singles-Advice.com for the feedback they provided.

*****