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Stirfry
30-10-07, 12:05 PM
Who else out there prefers to be somewhat antisocial? Do people drive you crazy? Or do you love being around others?

I often seem to have really low energy and tend to prefer a few close friends than a large crowd. I don't feel abnormal about this, but some people think I'm just being arrogant and snobby. The truth is, it can be exhausting to try and have a conversation with someone.

I really wish that there was someone out there who can understand this :(

Al Pacino
30-10-07, 05:14 PM
no one want to be antisocial, even though the person had few friends didnt mean he is antisocial ...

Junket
31-10-07, 01:36 AM
Me and my girlfriend both like time to ourselves. But I still love going to a ska show or going to some large event.

Gigabitch
31-10-07, 01:38 AM
I'm becoming more protective of myself as I get older. I used to go out every night, now I can't imagine sharing that much of my precious time with others. I spend most of my time with my boyfriend and my daughter, see friends a couple of times a week. I totally understand the need to be private and recharge.

Gribble
31-10-07, 03:36 AM
I definitely need lots of downtime. I can't imagine going out every night. Even going out a couple of times a week would be a nightmare for me. I typically go out every weekend. Sometimes, though, even that's too much and I choose to stay at home all by my lonesome.

Different strokes for different folks. That said, I get along fine in large groups or small. So I don't know if I'm an introvert or an extrovert. I suppose I've got qualities of both.

GrkScorp
31-10-07, 10:19 AM
Who else out there prefers to be somewhat antisocial? Do people drive you crazy? Or do you love being around others?

I often seem to have really low energy and tend to prefer a few close friends than a large crowd. I don't feel abnormal about this, but some people think I'm just being arrogant and snobby. The truth is, it can be exhausting to try and have a conversation with someone.

First of all.. what you're talking about doesn't qualify under the definition of "anti-social".. You are someone who's comming into social contact with other people, but simply prefers small groups over larger groups.. that's perfectly normal.. in fact, most people fall into this category..

I too like to have a small group of friends that I can go out with at any particular moment (a group no larger than 6 people).. I feel that when a group gets larger than 6 people, the groups starts to segment itself into smaller subgroups.. and the group dynamics split, as multiple unrelated conversations are going on between the different subgroups.. so it's no long ONE group.. But for as long as there are 6 people or less, the group can function as one social entity; which is often very fun.

A small group (2 people) is intimate, but boring. This is because people have the natural tendancy to "zone-out" and think about other things even while someone is talking.. so unless the conversation is bouncing around and different inputs are comming in, a person's interest will fall sharply.. The opposite will happen in large groups.. there's a content overload.. and people may zone-out simply because they cannot keep up!

Again, I personally prefer small groups, and believe me, i'm not anti-social.. For work on the other hand, I usually have to sit at a table with more than 20 people, and have to keep up with what everyone is saying, and have something to add to each one's comments.. Also, company meetings & events usually bring together 100's of people; so it's no time to by shy.. Do I prefer so many people? 20 people in a room is "intimate" in a business setting, but on a day-to-day casual basis.. it's not something I prefer.. I'd still stick to my (6-person group limit)..

Mind you, I know alot of people that i'm very good & close friends with.. but at any one time.. it's just impractical for me to call everyone out at any given night.. I hope this helps.. and I hope you can see why you feel "exhausted" so to speak, with large groups.. (because of content overload) or what is called "information flooding"..

Mish
31-10-07, 11:20 AM
Who else out there prefers to be somewhat antisocial? Do people drive you crazy? Or do you love being around others?

I often seem to have really low energy and tend to prefer a few close friends than a large crowd. I don't feel abnormal about this, but some people think I'm just being arrogant and snobby. The truth is, it can be exhausting to try and have a conversation with someone.

I really wish that there was someone out there who can understand this :(

Personally I think that being introverted or extroverted is a matter of choice, even though our personalities and upbringing tend to put us in one part or the other by default. I believe that if you make a conscious decision to be introverted you will be introverted, if extroverted you will be extroverted. Ultimately, all it takes is skill, motivation and experience of talking to people to be sociable imo. If you have those 3, you can consider your conversion complete.

Gribble
31-10-07, 11:56 AM
Scorp, if you want to get technical your definition isn't correct, either. Someone who is antisocial is, well, against society and its norms. Asocial is the term you're looking for, but even that isn't quite right for this. An example of an antisocial individual would be a violent kid who continuously flirts with the law and causes trouble.

GrkScorp
31-10-07, 12:07 PM
Scorp, if you want to get technical your definition isn't correct, either. Someone who is antisocial is, well, against society and its norms. Asocial is the term you're looking for, but even that isn't quite right for this. An example of an antisocial individual would be a violent kid who continuously flirts with the law and causes trouble.

Actually.. re-read my post correctly.. I know everyone is dying to comment on my posts.. but if you will note.. I did not state a "definition" of "anti-social" on my post.. I simply mentioned that what the original poster thought was "anti-social" behavior does not fit the definiton of "anti-social".. so he should stop thinking that he's engaging in such behavior, because the majority of all people prefer small groups to (large groups, or no social contact)..

But, i'm glad you strive to correct people.. where there are no mistakes.. for now it's ok.. there's no harm done.. and my self-image is not that low that I find the need to come back in a violent manner.. Anyway.. it shows you strive to build yourself intellectually by mirroring those you consider "smart".. (often shown as people correcting others on television or popular media culture).. but that's a good thing.. because it means that you'll always find the need to know MORE than other people.. as long as you eventually learn to stay modest about it and not shove it in everyone's face.. you'll do very well in life : )

vashti
31-10-07, 12:14 PM
I prefer to be antisocial because I get sick of hearing boys argue about silly things and girls are too hormonal.

:)

GrkScorp
31-10-07, 12:39 PM
I prefer to be antisocial because I get sick of hearing boys argue about silly things and girls are too hormonal.

:)

speaking of guys and dumb things.. I experienced the joys of car racing for the first time in my life yesterday..

I was on the highway about to get off on my right to exit.. All of a sudden, I hear (over the volume of my radio) this car's engine roaring!!! I look to my right rear view mirror to see this "pimped out toyota" going about 90mph to cut me off the right lane and beat me to the exit (that's practically empty).. So.. almost instantly I turn into the right lane and orgasm inside while hearing the sound of his breaks screech to avoid hitting be from behind and paying insurance for life..

So, I look at this idiot from my mirror, and it's some 17-19 year old guido (no offense to any italian guys).. with his girlfriend (or gf to be/ girl trying to impress).. So.. we're getting off the exit and going to the main street.. Now, he's on the right.. and i'm on the left.. and he looks pissed off that he didn't cut me off.. So.. his (120~140 horse-power) toyota is racing against my 200+hp FX-45 for the next 12 blocks.. (going over 90mph on a 30mph street).. Finally we stop at a red light.. While he's busy looking at the light.. I notice that the road converges up ahead, and there are cars parked on the right side (his side).. so I have the advantage..

The light turns green and we're both off.. I'm on manual.. going from D1, to D2, to D3, D4.. and over 90mph.. and he's head-to-head with me.. and realizes that he's about to ram into parked cars unless he slows down.. So he does.. but instead of giving up.. he goes ON THE LEFT LANE to cut me off!!!! I'm not slowing down.. and oncomming traffic is comming.. so he either gets killed or slows down, gets behind me on the right lane and calls it a day.. which he ends up doing.. since I wasn't going to slow down..

Now.. he's stuck on my lane.. cars going opposite direction to our left.. and parked cars to our right.. Now, he's pissed off and I see him cursing inside his car.. feeling stupid in front of the girl he was trying to act all macho to.. I notice then that i'm waiting on a yellow light.. so I slowly proceed foward.. and wait for the light to turn red until I fully cross.. SLOWLY.. (mind you this light takes 1min to turn green again).. so.. I cross.. and leave him there waiting.. feeling like an idiot..

Man, let me tell you; that was may better than any sex i've had..

Gribble
31-10-07, 01:10 PM
Yes, because your post in no way implies that you share the same incorrect definition... Whatever. You know best, right? I mean, damn, you've managed to nail my personality flaws down. You're absa-****en-lutely brilliant, dude. Someone get this man a cookie.

Michael6084
01-11-07, 01:15 AM
The problem with society, at least in America, is that being extraverted is generally rewarded while introverted is generally associated as being "bad" and that's the way we are raised. If a person doesn't prefer to talk to many people, others may think that he's a "loner" or "hates people" but that just isn't the case. Yet an extraverted person is sometimes rewarded with job advancements or, in the case of high school or politics, class president or senator etc.

With that said, being introverted does NOT mean antisocial and it simply means that introverted people are energized when they have their "own time". In the opposite, extraverted people are energized when they're around people. Each type of personality feeds off that certain time, otherwise they'd go nuts.

I don't think being extraverted or introverted is a conscious decision. I believe it's external experiences that cause one to be a certain type. I'm an introvert and I could consciously tell myself that I will want to be around people, but I eventually feel tired and need my own time. I can easily deliver speeches in class and do presentations in college and people may see me as "extraverted", but I'm still introverted because I feel much more relaxed and content with spending my time doing my own thing.

GrkScorp
01-11-07, 01:50 AM
Yes, because your post in no way implies that you share the same incorrect definition...

I wasn't trying to imply that.. I was simply, ONCE AGAIN, trying to show him that what he calls anti-social does not fit under the definition of "anti-social"... I then referred to my life.. "since i'm rather social and have no trouble in groups".. to show him that you don't need to prefer large groups to consider yourself social.. most people prefer smaller groups with close friends like he does.. that's all..

Again.. I know you're dying to.. so feel more than free to come back with a correction at an otherwise non-existant "flaw or error" somewhere in my post(s)' arguments..

Anyway.. that being said.. i'm going to go and relax.. I haven't done that for a long time.. and I think it's about time.. my joints and muscles are killing me..

Stirfry
01-11-07, 09:41 AM
I prefer to be antisocial because I get sick of hearing boys argue about silly things and girls are too hormonal.

:)

Sometimes the simplest explanations are the best ones. I think you're right on the mark with that.

Off2College
10-11-07, 09:34 AM
I am quite introverted, but that's because I hate wasting time around groups not worth wasting time around. I would gladly go out for dinner or have coffee 1-on-1, and I often seize these chance. But I don't like parties where people act like idiots.

I've recently realized that I'm pretty strong, if not a little extreme on this bit... I recently walked out on a prestigious literary society applicants meeting because they were cracking teenage-sex jokes. And I had wanted to join this society because of the prestige for months. No more...

Gigabitch
10-11-07, 09:37 AM
Oh, for God's sake, O2C. You need to relax. Doesn't it get tiresome, holding everyone up to this standard you have? And is it really working all that well for you? You're lonely. I see the connection.

Gribble
10-11-07, 09:51 AM
Quit being so pretentious. Pretentious people are boring people. And boring people end up lonely people.

Michael6084
10-11-07, 10:02 AM
i personally would like to punch Off2College's face in for being an arrogant prick, but maybe that's just me. i apologize.

Stirfry
10-11-07, 02:04 PM
I am quite introverted, but that's because I hate wasting time around groups not worth wasting time around. I would gladly go out for dinner or have coffee 1-on-1, and I often seize these chance. But I don't like parties where people act like idiots.

I've recently realized that I'm pretty strong, if not a little extreme on this bit... I recently walked out on a prestigious literary society applicants meeting because they were cracking teenage-sex jokes. And I had wanted to join this society because of the prestige for months. No more...

I'm a bit like that too... It's not about being arrogant or picky, I just prefer to make time with someone as enjoyable as possible.. and it's easier for me to do that with someone 1-on-1 than in a large group.

What kind of jokes was the group making?

Tiay
11-11-07, 01:08 AM
Personally I think that being introverted or extroverted is a matter of choice, even though our personalities and upbringing tend to put us in one part or the other by default. I believe that if you make a conscious decision to be introverted you will be introverted, if extroverted you will be extroverted. Ultimately, all it takes is skill, motivation and experience of talking to people to be sociable imo. If you have those 3, you can consider your conversion complete.

um. no. when we are born we can already tell if the baby is introverted or extroverted. I'm sure that this isn't just a switch that is either on or off; there are degrees. Ie, if you're only slightly introverted, but have an extroverted upbringing/family and want to be an extrovert yourself, i'm sure you can nudge yourself into that direction; but if you're born as extremely introverted, no amount of skill, motivation or experience will get you there.

introverts react more strongly. If you give an introvert and an extrovert a drop of lemon juice, the introvert will produce significantly more saliva. I'm sure you've heard of that experiment. That's why the content overload scorp mentioned overwhelms introverts more easily, and why we prefer small intimate groups of friends.

Henry123
11-11-07, 08:14 PM
um. no. when we are born we can already tell if the baby is introverted or extroverted. I'm sure that this isn't just a switch that is either on or off; there are degrees. Ie, if you're only slightly introverted, but have an extroverted upbringing/family and want to be an extrovert yourself, i'm sure you can nudge yourself into that direction; but if you're born as extremely introverted, no amount of skill, motivation or experience will get you there.

introverts react more strongly. If you give an introvert and an extrovert a drop of lemon juice, the introvert will produce significantly more saliva. I'm sure you've heard of that experiment. That's why the content overload scorp mentioned overwhelms introverts more easily, and why we prefer small intimate groups of friends.
Wow Tiay is so smart! :)

IndiReloaded
12-11-07, 05:47 AM
LOL, just do what feels right for you, preferably w/o affecting anyone else's ability to do the same. Be genuine. The labels don't matter.

Gribble, GrkS... there will always be someone 'smarter' that knows more than either of you, isn't that right? So WFT are you trying to accomplish?

But go ahead, carry on. It will give me a reason to post my Gorilla-Chest Thumping photo again. I haven't needed to for a while now.

IndiReloaded
12-11-07, 05:52 AM
um. no. when we are born we can already tell if the baby is introverted or extroverted. I'm sure that this isn't just a switch that is either on or off; there are degrees. Ie, if you're only slightly introverted, but have an extroverted upbringing/family and want to be an extrovert yourself, i'm sure you can nudge yourself into that direction; but if you're born as extremely introverted, no amount of skill, motivation or experience will get you there.

introverts react more strongly. If you give an introvert and an extrovert a drop of lemon juice, the introvert will produce significantly more saliva. I'm sure you've heard of that experiment. That's why the content overload scorp mentioned overwhelms introverts more easily, and why we prefer small intimate groups of friends.

There seems to be a predisposition to the wiring, but its not 'set' the way our eye colour is, Tiay. There's no data that has deliberately taken an 'introverted' phenotype and deliberately raised it to be 'extroverted'. Be careful you don't cite something as fact that hasn't actually been proven (says the scientist). ;)

Gribble
12-11-07, 08:47 AM
Gribble, GrkS... there will always be someone 'smarter' that knows more than either of you, isn't that right? So WFT are you trying to accomplish?

All I tried to do was elucidate. If some people are hypersensitive and take offense, f-uck 'em.

Tiay
12-11-07, 09:51 AM
indi: thanks for noting that. I did say "i'm sure that" to express that it is a personal opinion/speculation, but maybe that wasn't clear enough; whether or not a slightly introverted person can make themselves more extroverted is not a proven fact, but I personally believe that it makes sense to conclude (oh geez that sounds awkward) that we're born with a certain way, but that we do have a 'range' within we can 'force/nudge/nurture' ourselves into one or the other direction. Our species great strength is adaptability after all. If a somewhat introverted person is born into an inescapable environment where only extroverted people excel, they may find it harder than the rest but they will - imo - probably still get by.

Babydoll
13-11-07, 12:10 AM
I only have one or two people I'd consider my actual friends. But I am a complete extrovert and love mixing with loads of different people.. and I generally tend to get on with most people. I do different things with different people and I enjoy having my big ol' house parties rather than just a little get together with a few mates. I have a few friends who I used to consider as being my 'best friends' who you seem to sound like. They aren't anti-social.. just don't feel comfortable around large groups of people because they aren't very confident and only feel comfortable around people who they can completely be themselves with. They also spend way too much time on world of warcraft.. but that's another story. You aren't by any means the odd one out because alot of people are like this.
I, on the other hand, am often secluded because I flit between friendship groups because I enjoy a variety of company and I have a very forward personality so some people find that intimidating. Hence I literally only have one best friend. I have other friends I would call close.. but not to the extent that my single best friend is.
I think you're normal.

IndiReloaded
13-11-07, 04:17 AM
indi: thanks for noting that. I did say "i'm sure that" to express that it is a personal opinion/speculation, but maybe that wasn't clear enough; whether or not a slightly introverted person can make themselves more extroverted is not a proven fact, but I personally believe that it makes sense to conclude (oh geez that sounds awkward) that we're born with a certain way, but that we do have a 'range' within we can 'force/nudge/nurture' ourselves into one or the other direction. Our species great strength is adaptability after all. If a somewhat introverted person is born into an inescapable environment where only extroverted people excel, they may find it harder than the rest but they will - imo - probably still get by.

I'm just razzing you b/c I know you're in the sciences... ;)

Last I read, there was a genetic component to introvert/extrovert idea... I think it had to do with dopamine sensitivity (which we know can change to some extent). But there's still a strong environmental component to this that makes the phenotype more variable than, say, eye colour. Still, it goes a way to explaining why some ppl just need to go & find a quiet corner to sit in during a rocking party.

Its a hard area to study & get clear answers.

GrkScorp
13-11-07, 10:33 AM
colour

you spelled color wrong.. : )

i'm just playing.. : )

IndiReloaded
13-11-07, 11:27 AM
you spelled color wrong.. : )

i'm just playing.. : )

Indeed? I thought you americans changed the spelling simply to be different. :french: ;)

Tiay
14-11-07, 06:26 AM
you spelled color wrong.. : )

i'm just playing.. : )

lol, I actually wonder about that every time I write it. But eh, at least I'm not talking to people in the wrong language anymore!

Stirfry
03-12-07, 08:44 AM
Yeah, I've been told once that I've been known to say what's on my mind a little too bluntly. I've really improved, but conversations can still be boring and unsubstancial as fluff. God knows we all have to do it, it's the polite/acceptable thing to do... : /