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Junket
19-12-07, 10:34 AM
That's right. I'm putting serious...we're, putting serious thought into moving to New Orleans, Louisiana.

A little background:

I originally moved to Oklahoma with a few objectives in mind...

- be closer to Amy
- move in with my brother and his wife and help them out a bit by paying them very affordable rent
- get a construction job to get some experience
- gain my independence from my father

What's happened so far:

- definitely closer to Amy than I was before, however the driving distance, an estimated 2.5 hours driving at 80 mph at 3,000 RPM's...it's a real drain on gas, I have about a quarter tank by the end of the weekend and at 30-40 dollars to fill up, I'm feelin' the financial effects

- Right before I moved, my brother found out him and his wife were getting to adopt 3 year old Victor...Kids truly do change everything. Sometimes I feel like he's my kid too, in that me and my brother aren't free to do the things we originally planned on doing. However, while putting up with 4 dogs and a 1 kid, 250 for rent, that only goes to my family, it really ain't that bad.


- I got that pool construction job, but it is far from ideal. I was hired under the pretenses that I would be doing a little more than just labor. But for the past 2 months, it's been nothing but labor. Sadly, I don't think I've really learned all that much from these guys. Read my blog for a little more info----- http://myexhaust.blogspot.com/

- I haven't updated any of yous about this, but I am financially severed from my dad. I got my own phone plan, the car and insurance are now all mine...While wholly, nothings really changed all that much, besides more bills, I do enjoy knowing it's all up to me now.

So now what?

Well, me and Amy have been putting serious consideration into moving back to New Orleans, together. More permanently than my move to Oklahoma, and hers to Texas. My original plan was only to be here for about a year, but I'm favoring the idea of getting out sooner than that. I figure, why waste a year?

I haven't gotten to the portion where I ask for the feedback on the topic this thread was created for...but that's because Amy has yet to share her side of things...

amy
19-12-07, 12:11 PM
Hi everybody... This is scarier than I thought it would be! But here we go:

I guess my background story is pretty much the same...

I was living in New Orleans (the greatest city in America) with a really purposeful job; but was pretty over-worked and stressed. While there, fell in love with a really great guy... who happened to live a thousand miles away.

I moved back to Texas because:

1) North Texas/Southern Oklahoma seemed like a good neutral ground to try and work stuff out with Anthony. We both had family here to fall back on.

2) I was pretty burnt out anyway from living in a high-stress environment and working a crazy demanding disaster-relief type job. I thought I could take the work experience I gained there, and build on it in a less stressful setting.

3) I wanted to be closer to my wonderful family for awhile.

REALITY:

My family is awesome, and I LOVE living closer to them.

Things are great with Anthony; except we still live too damn far away from each other. It's 6 hours of driving on the weekend, to see each other for a day and a half.

We both hate our respective jobs, and there just isn't alot of other options work-wise in an area this rural... You just take what you can get.

It feels like we're both just trying to "get through" the year, and are just hoping that 'next year' will get here faster...

Anyway - New Orleans is a good spot for us. Lots of opportunities in construction and non-profit sector right now; especially for young people with less experience. None of the super-established people want to live in a 70% destroyed city with levees that still aren't fixed after Katrina. (I'll stop myself from ranting...)

I guess we both agree we want to move, but the trouble comes in with how it is executed... Namely, if we should move in together or not.

I'll let Anthony get into that, since he's a pro at this whole forum thing. But some big factors feeding that decision would be: my family's severe disapproval, and whether or not going from long-distance to living together is smart or not...

misombra
19-12-07, 12:52 PM
omg i can't believe it. the person that frizzz has been talking about for years is coming to fruition on the forum.

nice to meet you amy!!! welcome. i'm misombra.

okay. so. you want to know what i really think. i mean, really...

DO IT.

that is all.

vashti
19-12-07, 01:28 PM
Whoa! We finally get to "meet" Amy! Here I was starting to think Frasbee was ashamed of us!

Amy, on a scale of 1-10 (10 being disowned by the family), how much disapproval are you facing, and how close are you to your relatives, anyway? Who would be the most upset? I mean, pissing off your parents is a lot different than pissing off your uncle, ya know?

And remind me again... how old are you?

amy
19-12-07, 02:16 PM
I am extremely close with my immediate family. And not just because we're related. We've all been through some things together as a family that nobody else could ever understand. There's not much I wouldn't do for one of them...

As far as disapproval goes - I'm talking mainly about my parents. They are very traditional (both born in the 1940s). I know that a conservative/religious mindset makes them instantly unpopular... But they're really good people -- They just grew up in a completely different society.

Anyway - I don't know about a 1-10 scale... But my older sister moved in with her fiance to save on rent and bills before they got married. Dad called her now-husband every night to say that he didn't appreciate him disrespecting his daughter, etc. It got so bad, that they ended up going to the J.P. to get married, just to appease my folks before getting married again in a big formal ceremony a year later.

This is all compounded by the fact that my dad is 6'2" and 300+ pounds... Freaking intimidating. Oh! And he collects guns. (yikes)

I'm 25.

vashti
19-12-07, 10:32 PM
Can you figure out another living arrangement, then? I mean, could you both move to New Orleans and get roommates, but live in the same city?

This is the thing. Everyone knows Fras is crazy about you. I believe you two might actually get married one day. You are very devoted to your family. That being the case, I think it would be really awful to set up this sort of hostility between potential family members.

I wish I could say I wouldn't give a sh*t what the family thinks, but that isn't true. It would eat me up. Naturally, this isn't true for everyone.

BTW - has Frasbee pointed you towards some of the stuff he writes about you? It is so lovely I think they should be published in one of those love letter books.

misombra
19-12-07, 11:56 PM
oooooooo your dad is going to shoot frisbee.

that's not good.

when living together, it's so important to not be isolated. you guys would be away from all family. maybe you have some friends and that's it. i can tell you that that will create problems. couples do not thrive very well without family/friend support when living together. you will want to get away from one another eventually and have nowhere to go, then if you call your family they'll just lecture you about what you're doing.

that will be hard.

also, moving in together changes the relationship dynamics a lot. if you are not ready for the change, it could be shocking. especially being so far from home.

couldn't frizzz move closer to you for a little while? i mean, closER... lol

vashti
20-12-07, 04:27 AM
Try looking here:

http://www.roommates.com/search.rs?sessid=c83f4f3a06967a538a250ce323874736&page=1

(I hope the link works.)

Junket
20-12-07, 08:21 AM
Can you figure out another living arrangement, then? I mean, could you both move to New Orleans and get roommates, but live in the same city?

This is what we've been discussing.

Personally, I don't like the idea of living separately in New Orleans. I feel like we're both aware that the relationship dynamics will change. In fact that is what we've been discussing the most, recently. I would consider other roommates so long as we could both be in close proximity to each other.

Things that I think we have going for us in a scenario of living together:

We've lived together before, so we're already acquainted with each other's habits, but more importantly, are open to communicating.

We're both moving to NOLA with goals outside of our relationship.

We have friends/acquaintances from previous years.


You are very devoted to your family. That being the case, I think it would be really awful to set up this sort of hostility between potential family members.

This has been the biggest deterrent, I actually really like her family, and I do hate the idea of getting on their bad sides over something I consider unreasonable. I understand these are the morals/principles they live by, but what I feel like is being disregarded are my morals/principles. Or some might argue, "lack" thereof, (which is offensive).

EDIT: One thing Amy suggested is getting an apartment with 2 bedrooms. Mostly to appease her parents. I think it's a good idea, and I like the idea of having a room separate for storage or what have you. I mean...y'know, for me to live and sleep in...

One of the reasons why I don't like the idea of roommates I'm not familiar with, is that I'm lugging virtually all of my possessions with me. I don't trust other people bein' around what little things I have. The alternative is if Amy has her own apartment, I'd might store some things there with her...


couldn't frizzz move closer to you for a little while? i mean, closER... lol

I considered moving to Texas, but that means I'd have to move again...quit my job, and spend another month or two finding another one, only to be expecting to move in 6 or so months anyway. Amy does still have a lease until...October? November? But she's considering subbing it out, which is also a bit risky.

misombra
20-12-07, 09:12 AM
leaving a lease won't look good when you two go try and find an apartment...

you mean october of next year?

vashti
20-12-07, 09:29 AM
I doubt very much her parents will fall for the two-bedroom bit. I mean, they DO know you are dating, right?

Fras, I don't think this is a matter of them not respecting your moral values at all, and please don't be offended when I say that they have something you want: Amy. You are going to have to be more flexible with your stance than they do if you want to experience optimal relationships with them because you are the "odd man out" at this point. Do you know what I mean? Look at it from their perspective. You are a boyfriend that ultimately may not work out, and this is their daughter. They may think you are a great guy, but ultimately, they are going to stick to operating in her best interests. You'd do the same if you had a daughter.

I don't blame you about roommate concerns. Buy a lock with a key for your door.

amy
20-12-07, 10:06 AM
Ok... I just had to do the whole spend-an-hour-on-the-phone-with-a-tech-support-guy-you-can-barely-understand thing. But my internet is back!

Not to argue both sides... But a few other things to consider:

I've been talking with my sister alot about this lately. Her honest opinion is that my folks won't be so bad. She says they've 'levelled out alot' in the last few years, and is more of the mindset that it's not their decision, and I just need to tell them straight up: "I put alot of thought into this, and this is what I'm doing." and leave it at that.

Another thing... Setting all my concerns aside, I'd really prefer to live with Anthony. It's WAY more practical than us paying 2 rents and 2 sets of bills, when one of us will be at the other's place all the time anyway. And honestly - I promised myself I wouldn't live in New Orleans alone again. There's just too much violence. I feel like I have to lock the door at 6pm. And needless to say... I love him. And after a year of looooong distance, I'd love to see him at the end of every day. =)

Plus, I think he's right, in saying he has his own ideas about how life should be. Why are mine or my family's any more valid? I feel like he's compromised so much to make this thing work already. All the waiting, and the travelling, and then moving to f-ing Oklahoma for Gods sake.

I just worry that he's always meeting me where I'm at; There should be some balance there.

But yeah... the family thing is big. What I'd really like to know from yall though - is how does living together change a relationship? Would you recommend going from long-distance to same-house; and if so - what should one be prepared for?

amy
20-12-07, 10:08 AM
P.S. Lease isn't up until November 2008. =/

vashti
20-12-07, 10:13 AM
Ahh, I misunderstood. I thought you were more worried about upsetting the parents. Disregard what I said before, then.

As far as living together, I think you should be really clear beforehand about how bills are split and who has which household chore responsibility. It's the little things that make people crazy over time... dirty socks on the floor, toothpaste not washed down the drain, who does the cooking, and how often, leaving dishes laying around, stuff like that.

Junket
20-12-07, 11:11 AM
Ahh, I misunderstood. I thought you were more worried about upsetting the parents. Disregard what I said before, then.

As far as living together, I think you should be really clear beforehand about how bills are split and who has which household chore responsibility. It's the little things that make people crazy over time... dirty socks on the floor, toothpaste not washed down the drain, who does the cooking, and how often, leaving dishes laying around, stuff like that.

Yeah, we've discussed that alot. But until we find an apartment, or what have you, it'll be difficult to discuss how the bills will have to be paid.

I need you guys to think of things we haven't thought of yet!

Like...I don't even know!

Oh, by the way, Amy, this is my secret council, secret council, this is Amy.

vashti
21-12-07, 12:25 AM
Well, here are some cynical things I've learned by watching others. Do not make major purchases together until you are married. (Cars, property, household appliances, etc.) Do not get pets until you are married. (People tend to go emotionally beserk over the pets if things go bad.) If either of you have debts, pay them off on your own. Maintain your own bank accounts. Mostly, I think, is to just keep in mind that although you may be living together, you aren't married yet. Avoid doing things that would make it more difficult to leave than it should be if you decide it was a mistake to live together.

misombra
21-12-07, 12:33 AM
Well, here are some cynical things I've learned by watching others. Do not make major purchases together until you are married. (Cars, property, household appliances, etc.) Do not get pets until you are married. (People tend to go emotionally beserk over the pets if things go bad.) If either of you have debts, pay them off on your own. Maintain your own bank accounts. Mostly, I think, is to just keep in mind that although you may be living together, you aren't married yet. Avoid doing things that would make it more difficult to leave than it should be if you decide it was a mistake to live together.

lol, you didn't happen to learn this cynical thing by watching me right?

vashti
21-12-07, 12:39 AM
Ha! I was actually thinking of a friend of mine in my nursing program. She finally let her dog go, though, and the bastard is trying to get rid of the dog now. She would loveto have the dog back, but unfortunately, she's already signed a lease in a building that won't allow pets. She is really upset.

BTW - where is Giga to weigh in on this? Frasbee, it looks like things are slowing down around here for the holidays...

amy
21-12-07, 07:55 AM
Ahh, I misunderstood. I thought you were more worried about upsetting the parents.

I think I just figured out how to quote... yay! Anyway, I didn't mean to downplay that either. Really it is a HUGE concern, but so is the complete impracticality of NOT living together. I just don't know which concern is more valid...

As far as the pets... I've only ever wanted a dog, and Anthony hates dogs... so it's a non-issue really. Good advice though, about the shared property.

misombra
21-12-07, 08:01 AM
i think you should talk to your landlord about breaking the lease before you do anything. he might let you out but you never know.

if he doesn't let you out then maybe that's a chance to keep doing what you're doing.

then you can plan more for other things in the meantime. and you can also save up some money.

vashti
21-12-07, 08:08 AM
... and Frasbee will have to move closer to where you are.

Junket
21-12-07, 08:47 AM
... and Frasbee will have to move closer to where you are.

I don't know about that...again.

IndiReloaded
22-12-07, 02:59 AM
Well, here are some cynical things I've learned by watching others. Do not make major purchases together until you are married. (Cars, property, household appliances, etc.) Do not get pets until you are married. (People tend to go emotionally beserk over the pets if things go bad.) If either of you have debts, pay them off on your own. Maintain your own bank accounts. Mostly, I think, is to just keep in mind that although you may be living together, you aren't married yet. Avoid doing things that would make it more difficult to leave than it should be if you decide it was a mistake to live together.

I agree w/all this & would only add that you should each keep a separate bank account that is for your personal use only.

You can have a primary shared account to do w/living resources & where your paycheques are deposited, but it is important to have *some* discretionary income that you are allowed to dispense (or save) however you see fit. The other partner is NOT allowed to comment. You agree together how much your respective 'allowance' is.

(hi Amy, I'm Indi btw. Nice to 'meet' you!)

amy
22-12-07, 07:02 AM
It's nice to meet all of yall too. Thanks for giving Anthony such solid advice all the time... He's great at all this relationship "stuff" (much better than myself!) ...and he says alot of that comes from learning so much here. ...Anyway - I'm definitely reaping the rewards. =)

It is possible to break my lease, but there's a fine, and then I have to keep paying rent until they find a replacement. But if I find the replacement beforehand, than it would just be a fee. I imagine I would lose my deposit ($150)... but moving somewhere else with Anthony, or a roomate even - I would make that up pretty quick in saved rent. Right now I'm living alone - My apartment is pretty cheap, but paying rent alone is harsh. Hell, we'd save $150 in one month, just from not having to drive back and forth to see each other. Gas is crazy expensive.

Anyway - Yall have put some good things on the table to think about... So I guess we'll keep thinking... Meanwhile, I think I'm gonna go back to talking to my sister, and give "frasbee" back his private consultants. ;)

It was nice talking to everybody. -amy

vashti
22-12-07, 09:48 PM
I don't understand... if you already have an apartment, and you two want to live together, why wouldn't you just both live in that apartment?

Junket
23-12-07, 05:47 AM
I don't understand... if you already have an apartment, and you two want to live together, why wouldn't you just both live in that apartment?

We're both dissatisfied with our jobs, and living this close to her parents, together is definitely out of the question.

New Orleans have great opportunities for people our age, looking for the work we're looking for. Plus we both are familiar, and love that city.

misombra
25-12-07, 02:53 AM
aren't there like, thousands of people who can't find housing in new orleans? leave some apartments for them.

Junket
25-12-07, 02:49 PM
aren't there like, thousands of people who can't find housing in new orleans? leave some apartments for them.

That was sarcasm, right?

misombra
25-12-07, 03:06 PM
ummmmmm no it was more like very twisted humor...

Junket
25-12-07, 03:21 PM
ummmmmm no it was more like very twisted humor...

80% of New Orleans is uninhabitable.

The majority of home owners haven't even visited since the hurricane.

Right now, the majority of resident are renters, and the majority of renters are from the outside helping rebuild.

Junket
09-01-08, 08:38 AM
Hey Noogie!

I've been talking with Timmy lately. We think that you and Tim and me and Choi should all move in together and be roomies. I know you've got a lease until May - but we all would be willing to save a bedroom for you, and just pay more rent until you could join us. =)

We found some really awesome 4 bedrooms on craigslist.... And I think it would be really fun to have a little family in NOLA. You were so great to live with!

Let me know if you're interested. =)

Miss you dude!

ames

P.S. Here are some links to entice you...

http://neworleans.craigslist.org/apa/513204997.html

So I was on the phone with Amy and she had been speaking to Tim (from HONO) and he suggested since he's paying his lease month by month, that if me and Amy were to decide we weren't sure about moving in together, that him (Tim), and Nic (also from HONO), could be roomies!

I think it sounds like a great idea.

I miss the small communal type living from AmeriCorps, and I worked with these guys when I was down there, and Amy and Kenda had roomed with them and other HONO staff while they were working there.

Also, this would probably sound much more appealing to her parents. Though, she said even if they were against us moving in together alone, she'd still do it and just put up with the shit.

So the average 4 bedroom house has rent of $1500.00, split 4 ways it's about 375.00. Not bad. And me and Amy would still have our own rooms, which I'm totally for!

I told her I don't have to wait till March to leave, I could leaving next week or next month! I have nothing holding me here. She's just looking for somebody to sublet her apartment, otherwise nothing else is holding her.

I'm so excited about moving I day dream about it while I'm slaving away at work...

Hell, I thought about stealing one of the trucks and just driving home, throwing my shit in it, and driving to NOLA.

Gigabitch
10-01-08, 01:56 AM
I like the many roommates scenario. It takes some of the pressure off, actually, just in case either of you go back to the "we might break up" place. I think it's a winner all around.

I'm really excited for you guys!

FYI, my friend Rachael was living with her boyfriend in college for three years in a two-bedroom apartment because his parents were so conservative. They weren't fooling anybody, but his parents appreciated the pretense.

vashti
10-01-08, 09:53 AM
Good plan. I hope it can be arranged.

misombra
10-01-08, 11:55 AM
that sounds cool. i'm in a similar situation. i live with mikey and a roommate. it works out quite well.

Gigabitch
11-01-08, 02:37 AM
Btw, Amy, you and your man should come to NM sometime and go skiing with me and Misombra. Really. You should.

Illusional
11-01-08, 10:12 AM
whoa... when did the misses join??

raverboy

Junket
11-01-08, 12:40 PM
whoa... when did the misses join??

raverboy

She joined only for this thread.

She didn't want to start intruding on my conversations and things, which I appreciate, 'cause I kinda like havin' this place to myself.

However, it's cool having her registered so if for whatever reason (like this one), where our combined input is ideal, she can provide her's.

Junket
16-01-08, 07:17 AM
Thanks Giga!

So here's the deal.

Amy is getting caught up in the bullshit of breaking her lease. They won't let her sub out without written permission from the boss people. Everybody she talks to tells her they have to let their boss know what's up, she's needs to talk to the 2nd boss so far...

I'm thinking about moving down sooner than her. Nic, one of the people we've discussed rooming with, still has to finish out his lease 'til May. I'm thinking maybe I can stay with him for about a month while I apply to the GCCCC (Gulf Coast Construction Career Center), look for jobs and apartments for the 4 of us. This would be great because right now Amy and I only have Nic and Tim to scope out apartments, but they're kinda busy so they're not always able to.

The GCCCC is directly affiliated with the unions along the gulf coast and is pretty much a pre-apprenticeship program. After about a month of training, they'll send you off to an employer in the field of your choice.

Sounds pretty cool.

I'm done with Lawton, and I'm especially done with my fúck head of a boss.

vashti
16-01-08, 07:20 AM
Very exciting, and I think it is a good idea for amy to have a place to go all lined up.

misombra
16-01-08, 08:54 AM
see how everything just works itself out? it's so cool.

squirrley
16-01-08, 09:06 AM
Gosh darnit I missed this somehow! Hi Amy! Welcome! Its so nice to meet Fras's other half!

The idea alone of being away from everything and having a fresh start is so appealing! It was for me when I did a billion times, finally put though.

The roommate(s) is a great idea! Definetly takes the financial end of things a little easier to handle. I strongly agree with everyone as far as finances are concerned. Split things, its easier. No one pay for more than the other. My hubby and I split 50/50. We STILL have our own checking accounts.

Its a great idea and Im sure things will work out for you. You'll be fine no matter what. Youre also old enough no matter what the family says, youre doing what you feel is best for you. Amy, Im EXTREMELY close to my family and Ive made decisions in my life my parents were NOT happy about, but supported me and were there when it came out bad. They will ALWAYS look out for you no matter what. Thats what parents do.

Goodluck you guys and I wish you the very very best!:D

Junket
16-01-08, 09:52 AM
Gosh darnit I missed this somehow! Hi Amy! Welcome! Its so nice to meet Fras's other half!

Sorry Squirrley! This was actually in a hidden forum, Amy wanted a bit of privacy to discuss the topic, otherwise she wouldn'tve registered to post. She probably won't be coming back to post here much more in the future 'cause she likes to leave this forum to me.

squirrley
16-01-08, 09:58 AM
hmm so how did I manage to see this? I WAS a mod in past and saw the other day I still had thread powers per say. I dont want the job anymore, is that why? Trust me I wouldnt have intruded had this been case, Im sorry.

Junket
16-01-08, 10:38 AM
hmm so how did I manage to see this? I WAS a mod in past and saw the other day I still had thread powers per say. I dont want the job anymore, is that why? Trust me I wouldnt have intruded had this been case, Im sorry.

Haha, it was in a hidden forum. I wasn't able to move it, so I had Giga, the "Supermod" move it to public forums now that Amy is done participating.

Junket
21-01-08, 07:16 AM
My job is slowly eating me from the inside.

I'm so tempted to just quit, and cease being financially responsible, pack my bags and drive on down to New Orleans and just figure shit out on a whim, when I get there.

I really, really want to.

Because of technicalities with breaking her lease, Amy may not be able to get down until April 1st or so. This would mean I would need a place to stay for 2 months temporarily while I look for a job and keep an eye on 4 bedroom apartments.

Reggie and his girlfriend have a spare bedroom in their apartment, and Reg owe's Amy for staying in her's for 6 weeks.

Tim (future roommate), is gonna be gone the whole month of March, so I'd need at least a month elsewhere before I could stay in his apartment.

Nic (future roommate), his apartment is too small to house 2 people for that long. But he said he has space for my things should I need it.

I could stay in the Hands On New Orleans bunkhouse for $20 a day which includes a bed, and 3 meals, but would require that I volunteer during my stay. I think I could work out a deal where I could take days off to look for jobs/apartments while I was there, especially considering I intend on volunteering with them continually after I've found a place and a job. Me and Ames are looking to becoming regular long-term team/project leaders for HONO.

I just wanna leave this place, just wanna get out and start figuring my life out in New Orleans. I could do it...I know I could...I'm just afraid to go by myself...and without some sort of concrete temporary living arrangement.

bohemiandonut
21-01-08, 07:47 AM
Wow Frasbee, you're one crazy son of a bitch. Not only are you moving in with a girlfriend, you introduced to the forum. Is this some sort of extreme dating you're into now?

Junket
21-01-08, 07:48 AM
Wow Frasbee, you're one crazy son of a bitch. Not only are you moving in with a girlfriend, you introduced to the forum. Is this some sort of extreme dating you're into now?

I think I'm a bit crazy...but not for the same reasons you've just cited.

anachronistic
22-01-08, 04:59 AM
Welcome to the infamous loveforum, Amy.

Well, looks like you got a plan, guys. Not much I can do in terms of advice, but good luck! I think you guys will be rather successful over there.

Junket
22-01-08, 12:11 PM
Not much I can do in terms of advice, but good luck!

I've noticed a trend in similar responses in many of my threads.

I guess that's kind of a good thing, eh?

anachronistic
22-01-08, 12:49 PM
Yeah, I always pop in when there is already 4 pages of responses. I figure your problems have been advised and just decide to be nice and wish you luck. I hope it's appreciated...